"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."

"You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths."

"Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable."

"A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over."

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

"No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas."

"If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow."

"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.."