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  1. #1
    Michelle's Avatar
    Michelle is offline Civilian
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    Disorder in the American Courts

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________ _

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    ______________________________ _______

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    ______________________________ _______

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ______________________________ _____

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    ______________________________ _______

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose was it terminated?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Doctor, how many have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ______________________________ ________

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  2. #2
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  3. #3
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    What are you laughing at; those idiots make twice what we do; and you can’t smack them in court.




    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  4. #4
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Maybe the Libertarians can change that law for us!!!!!
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  5. #5
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDawg3533 View Post
    Maybe the Libertarians can change that law for us!!!!!
    I thought those WERE from the libertarians.

 

 

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