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  1. #1
    carolina's Avatar
    carolina is offline Master Officer
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    Funny or not depends on your prospective

    From: Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical! Received this in an email and thought I'd share ...


    We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

    On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

    Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.



    Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

    "Honey! The garbage di sposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

    "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"


    "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then , "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." ?So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

    Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I! was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and force fully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. !

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

    Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
    < /SPAN>
    Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent! Not, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

    If they only knew!



    Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

    Hope your week is better than his!!!!!!!!!!


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  2. #2
    Jackalope's Avatar
    Jackalope is offline Yell O
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    Not funny at all!!!
    "I'm not a coward,
    I've just never been tested
    I'd like to think that if I was,
    I would pass"
    ~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~

  3. #3
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    Ouch!
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    JohnnyRotten's Avatar
    JohnnyRotten is offline Rentacop trainer
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    Hence the recipe for Kung Pao Kitty I keep in my recipe file...
    "My motivation is slipping, people bug me, and I'm tired of wasting my time on drivel."

    - Rep. Otis Pike (D - NY)

  5. #5
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    She should kiss it and make it better!


    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  6. #6
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    kind of sad when a man cant control a little pussy
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  7. #7
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    She should kiss it alot and make it much better.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  8. #8
    phoenixrose's Avatar
    phoenixrose is offline Firebrand
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    Quote Originally Posted by gozling View Post
    kind of sad when a man cant control a little pussy
    LMFAO....nice one gozling.

    I was thinking the kiss and make better thing, too. Could make a man want a whole houseful of naughty kittens. Okay...scratch that last part. Probably not.
    phoenixrose
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    If the sex scene doesn't make you want to do it - whatever it is they're doing - it hasn't been written right.~~~Sloan Wilson
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "WHAT canary?"

  9. #9
    carramrod's Avatar
    carramrod is offline Rookie
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDawg View Post
    She should kiss it and make it better!




  10. #10
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    I wondered why I had heard from a neighbor......here kitty kitty....here kitty kitty......bang!
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



 

 

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