Letters to Santa

[phoenixrose]

A friend emailed this to me, and I laughed over several of these. Thought you all might get a kcik out of them as well. Enjoy.

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud
boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.
How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and
spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please
see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to
come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?
It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some
Legos instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes
, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay.
I'll set you up with a Barbie

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in
my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a
favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno
films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the
asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really want a pu ppy this year. Please, please, please,
PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into
our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live
in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third
, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does,
through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

[Bosco3379]

[General Patten]

[BEB]

Naughty, but nice!