Gentlemen, Hold Your Horses

[Piggybank Cop]

16 tempting urges that must always be controlled
By The Men's Health Editors


1. Performing the chest bump. Sporting celebration should be proportional to the peril faced in the pursuit of victory. If your game involves an underhand toss, midgame brews,
or Velcro-backed flags, dial it down, champ.

2. Buying all the equipment after two lessons. Holster that credit card until you're certain the novelty of fly-fishing, snowboarding, or competitive bird-watching won't wear off.

3. Being overpolite. Social pleasantries should be dispensed with grace. Saying "bless you" after each of nine successive sneezes makes you an automaton, not a gentleman.

4. Writing a love poem in the first 3 weeks of dating … and not keeping it to yourself. Her hair might indeed remind you of the first new morning rays of sun. But those rays may fade, and there's no reason to leave a paper trail.

5. Finding exact change. Picking through your pocket lint for 11 cents isn't helping the barista churn through the morning rush any faster. Do everyone a favor and stockpile your coinage at home. Trade it for cash once a year, then treat your girl to a dinner you otherwise couldn't afford.

6. Marking an e-mail "high priority." Just because Bill Gates dreamed up a button doesn't mean you should press it. Pick up the phone.

7. Yelling out a song request. Sorry, but the lead singer is only paying attention to the braless blonde in the front row. Channel all that energy into clapping, Casey Kasem.

8. Overvaluing your wisdom. Just because you understand the intricacies of the global currency market doesn't mean you should share them. Unless there's a point to your pontification—you're a doctor, someone has symptoms—give it a rest. Saying, "Enough about me … " is often the best conversation starter.

9. Flipping the bird. There's no better way to make sure you meet the recipient of your gesture at the next stoplight.

10. Talking between bathroom stalls. No matter is so pressing that it needs to be discussed with your pants down.

11. Screaming at the customer-service rep. Actually, check that: Go ahead and scream. Just make sure there's a method to your madness. You're mad at the company, and you're this close to taking your business elsewhere.

12. Overpronouncing foreign words. Granted, you spent a magical week in Baja, but that doesn't give you license to pronounce "Guadalajara" like you're clearing hair from your throat. There's a middle ground between butchering a word and being the pompous protector of its linguistic sanctity. Find it. (We're talking to you, Giada De Laurentiis.)

13. Sending an angry e-mail. Along with drunk-dialing your ex and drinking appletinis, this one fits in the category of things you will always, without fail, regret. Here's a rule of thumb: The more bridges you'll burn, the longer you should let that e-mail smolder in your drafts folder.

14. Tapping the brakes. Avoid reckless drivers, don't antagonize them. Let him pass, then watch him get pulled over.

15. Oversanitizing. Washing your hands carefully after going to the bathroom: normal. Reaching for the bottle of Purell each time you exit a taxi: compulsive.

16. Obsessing over your fantasy team. If you're really that into a sport, play coach in a way that actually matters: Teach a kid to love the nuances of the game as much as you do.

[Roses]

All good!

LOL!