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  1. #1
    OfficerResource.com's Avatar
    OfficerResource.com is offline Site Administrator
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    Seven Kinds of Sex

    The first kind of sex is called Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.


    The second kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


    The third kind of sex is called Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.


    The fourth kind of sex is called Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway, you both say, "Screw you."


    The fifth kind of sex is called Religious Sex. This means you get nun in the morning, nun in the afternoon, and nun at night.


    The sixth kind of sex is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


    And last, but not least, the seventh kind of sex is called Social Security Sex. You get a little from time to time, but not enough to live on.

  2. #2
    carolina's Avatar
    carolina is offline Master Officer
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    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  3. #3
    Big Al's Avatar
    Big Al is offline There is no place like home....
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    So Reca,,, what level are you at?

    I am between 3 and 4

  4. #4
    carolina's Avatar
    carolina is offline Master Officer
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    When you reach 7 if you're still young enough to have some fun, divorce soon follows


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  5. #5
    OfficerResource.com's Avatar
    OfficerResource.com is offline Site Administrator
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    Married since 98 and in #2

    Might explain why i have 3 kids at age 30

  6. #6
    Gatekeeper's Avatar
    Gatekeeper is offline Enjoy your stay
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    Oops hallway sex was #4.
    I was married in 98 also. 37 with 3 kids. I'm not for sure where I fit in on that list. I only get it quarterly now.

  7. #7
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    '98 must have been a good year (Cops and I were married in 98, too). I can't decide... it's definitely a toss up between 2 and 3.

  8. #8
    Bosco3379's Avatar
    Bosco3379 is offline I'm the one in the middle
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    I wish I was at atleast 1! Until then, i'm at 0
    Former member of the LNC

    Will take verbal abuse for spare change

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  9. #9
    OfficerResource.com's Avatar
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    damn we need a rating system. Bosco is getting educated on this site

  10. #10
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
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    He's probably learned more about the birds and bees here, than from school!

  11. #11
    BabyGirl is offline Rookie
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    I've been with my guy for 17 years and we still bounce between second and third.

  12. #12
    RIMAMARIA's Avatar
    RIMAMARIA is offline Rookie
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    Life really is no fun, I was on the good list until yesterday, I am now on the NUN ( # 5 )

    I am so bummed. My C/O left me without a goodbye

    Confused in New Hampshire


    RIMA

  13. #13
    Bosco3379's Avatar
    Bosco3379 is offline I'm the one in the middle
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terminator View Post
    He's probably learned more about the birds and bees here, than from school!
    Oh don't worry, I knew all about intercourse, sexuality, and other sexual acts long before I came onto this site

    You would be amazed what kind of things that go on at high school nowadays, and what kids my age do these days
    Former member of the LNC

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  14. #14
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    Hah, I was at #5 for more than a month before my soon to be ex left. Now, I'm just going on about my business. *sigh*
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  15. #15
    zap's Avatar
    zap
    zap is offline yeahrightsurewhatever
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    You all forgot the OTHER kind of sex.....nasal sex


    ...its when you blow someone else's nose

    Stupidity Recognition Technician

  16. #16
    resdepbrian's Avatar
    resdepbrian is offline Posse Rider
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    Also forgotten is # 6.a. "Lawyer/Whore Sex" Thats were you go to court, get screwed by your exes scum sucking lawyer, then have to pay for it.
    "Don't make me climb down from this horse"
    http://www.myspace.com/capt_brian


  17. #17
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    Im on the nun stage...........and it really sucks.

  18. #18
    ninjamom's Avatar
    ninjamom is offline Officer First Class
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    .....
    Last edited by ninjamom; 05-19-07 at 05:46 PM.
    "Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill." - My Dad

    Nine out of ten voices in my head say, "Pull the trigger."

  19. #19
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    Well, Smurf stage with the new Girlfriend... Nun stage with soon to be Ex. The new one is better anyway... Much more fun.
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  20. #20
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by ninjamom View Post


    Smurf stage here.

    This just ain't right.

 

 
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