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Thread: The history of the world
01-27-07, 12:25 AM #1What Willis was talking about
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The history of the world
World History - As it Really Happened
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all history were the invention of beer and the invention
of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were
the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of
the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girliemen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting
to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or
imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, home interior designers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
pitcher also bat..
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers,corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and
generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to actually work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary
urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it..
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers. And to more liberals just to piss them off
01-27-07, 12:52 AM #2
I'm a conservative, but I like cats!"I'm not a coward,
I've just never been tested
I'd like to think that if I was,
I would pass"
~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~
01-27-07, 09:10 AM #3
01-27-07, 10:29 AM #4
hat seems right on to me. Guess we need to re-write the history books."An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper
Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!
"Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
" I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
General Norman Schwartzkopf
Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
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