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Thread: Kinda Punny

  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Kinda Punny

    THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF
    LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT.

    Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

    1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
    stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
    per passenger."

    2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
    says "Dam!"

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
    the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
    your kayak and heat it too.

    4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other
    says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
    canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
    in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
    an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.

    "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
    foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other
    goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan. " Years later, Juan
    sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
    she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
    Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
    Ahmal."

    8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
    opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
    florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
    produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
    from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
    friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  2. #2
    jrae Guest
    hahaha. too cute.

  3. #3
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Sheeesh! Your Wisconsin "corn" connection is showing through!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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