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Thread: Noah's next ark

  1. #1
    Hannibal's Avatar
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    Noah's next ark

    In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me.

    Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

    He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the
    unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

    "Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

    Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

    Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn 't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environental impact study on your proposed flood.

    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

    Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

    The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

    "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

    "Stupid should hurt."

  2. #2
    hybrid's Avatar
    hybrid is offline Corporal
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    +1 beautifully said

  3. #3
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    Amen






    Nuff said.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

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    (author unknown)


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  4. #4
    Jenna's Avatar
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    You forgot the part where Al Gore makes the movie warning about the inconvenient truth of the coming flood....

  5. #5
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    I am from the government
    and I'm here to
    help.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  6. #6
    mavriktu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1sgkelly View Post
    I am from the government
    and I'm here to
    help.

    I thought this was a laughter thread,

    Mommy,the bad man is scaring me

  7. #7
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mavriktu View Post
    I thought this was a laughter thread,

    Mommy,the bad man is scaring me
    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  8. #8
    LAW DOG's Avatar
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    true dat
    S.W.A.T Maximum Violents

 

 

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