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Thread: stupid jokes

  1. #1
    jrae Guest

    stupid jokes

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over ?
    Doughnuts

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
    good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
    driving.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
    on Mo
    ndays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
    They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
    other?
    A speech impediment.

    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
    half-mast?
    They're hiring.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
    along
    with... "a recipe".

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
    fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southernfairytale
    begins
    "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

  2. #2
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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    funny


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  3. #3
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Yeppers they are.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  4. #4
    dadyswat's Avatar
    dadyswat is offline Officer First Class
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    I like your humor.

  5. #5
    jrae Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by dadyswat View Post
    I like your humor.
    thanks, i appreciate that

  6. #6
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    OMG I'm e-mailing these to my Sgt. He's the master of corny jokes!
    Thereís a promise I need you to make
    While Iím gone you take care of the love
    And Iíll deal with the hate.

    Donít worry about me; Iíll be all right
    Just care for your children and sleep tight
    Iíll keep you safe on my watch tonight
    ~
    On My Watch Tonight - Mike Corrado

 

 

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