Top ten Funny Things Said by Police

**BEK** · 02-14-07, 11:30 AM

Funny Things Said by Police

1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.

2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!

3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.

5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?

6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.

8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.

9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.

10. HAVE A NICE DAY.

Add to this

**Hannibal** · 02-14-07, 11:44 AM

(At the Border)

Are you allergic to latex?

**Willowdared** · 02-14-07, 11:52 AM

Your other left!

(Actually said by a deputy to a directionally challenged subject during a hot stop)

**Cidp24** · 02-14-07, 11:53 AM

To speeder from out of town that uses "I didnt know the speed limit on this road." as an excuse:

"So they don't have speed limit signs where you're from?"

**Terminator** · 02-14-07, 12:00 PM

"You're just stopping me because I'm (fill in ethnicity)"

"You're only saying that because I'm (fill in ethnicity)"

**Detective7653** · 02-14-07, 12:11 PM

[QUOTE=Terminator;160286]"You're just stopping me because I'm (fill in ethnicity)"

You’re absolutely correct, I am using the new race radar, I had had it set on (Color of Choice) so I am glad its working perfectly.

**keith720** · 02-14-07, 12:40 PM

"You thought you stopped? Well, I hope that's the last time today you're wrong."

**RailPD133** · 02-14-07, 03:25 PM

Officer: "What's your name?"
Perp: "uhh...What's my name?"
Officer: "I asked you first!"

**keith720** · 02-14-07, 03:53 PM

perp.: "Do you know who I am?"

Officer: "Nope. Who do YOU think you are?"

**Jenna** · 02-14-07, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Cidp24

To speeder from out of town that uses "I didnt know the speed limit on this road." as an excuse:

"So they don't have speed limit signs where you're from?"

What if they're from Germany?

**keith720** · 02-14-07, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by Jenna

What if they're from Germany?

If they are from Germany, they are probably used to driving a Mercedes Diesel which contributes significantly to Global warming. Oh, and I heard this morning that they had to cancel a conference on Global warming in Wash. D.C. because of the cold snap! Is that irony or what! (Global warming my ass!)

**Piggybank Cop** · 02-14-07, 04:24 PM

If you screw like you drive you ain't ever going to have any kids.

**Willowdared** · 02-14-07, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by Jenna

What if they're from Germany?

They have speed limit signs in Germany.

**Trojan 42** · 02-15-07, 03:27 AM

Said to a woman driver who was too busy taking to notice the traffic lights had changed colour twice while she chatted to her passenger. "Don't we have any colours you like?"

And on a night duty foot stop to a not very cooperative subject. To radio (not on transmit) "Can I have an Ambulance to (insert location) please" Subject looked round and said "There ain't no one hurt round here". Reply "Not yet, but in about 30 secs there will be, if you don't stop pissing me off."

**Star Man** · 02-15-07, 08:14 AM

I really have used the old one
Driver: Can't you give me a warning?
Police: Yea if you do it again you'll get another ticket. Please sign here.

**Jenna** · 02-15-07, 08:19 AM

These are awesome! Especially the lines that were actually used in police work. How did your ticketees/arrestees respond? Did they forget their troubles for a moment and LOL at what a jolly ol' chap you were?

**Star Man** · 02-15-07, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by Jenna

These are awesome! Especially the lines that were actually used in police work. How did your ticketees/arrestees respond? Did they forget their troubles for a moment and LOL at what a jolly ol' chap you were?

Nah, they usually scowl and sign before almost tossing the pen at me.

**Detective7653** · 02-15-07, 09:37 AM

I used it once up in north county, The guy just looked at me like I had three heads, Then the next day he called to complain to the chief that we have racial radars, and we should not be using them. Chief thought it was pretty funny. oh and by the way it was about 230 in the morning when I stopped the guy on a mojor highway doing about 80. Like I could tell he was black.

**BEK** · 02-15-07, 11:22 AM

I have heard this one used
Officer: Does it look like I work for Burger King....
suspect:What
Officer: Well this aint burger king and you cant have it your way

**adroitcuffs** · 02-15-07, 11:35 AM

I was directing traffic, northbound lane was closed so I was directing everyone to go south.
Driver: "I need to go that way." (north)
Me: "Sorry, you can't. Road's closed."
Driver: "But why can't I go that way? That's the way I always go."
Me: "Because I'm directing traffic and you're not!"
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Another city, another intersection. Again, I was directing traffic at a road closure. This time, about half a block down, you could see a couple of fire engines with firefighters working on a large motorhome fully engulfed in flames. Oh yeah, and it was 120F, nice & sunny...

Driver: "Why does the road have to be closed? Did something happen?
Me: "No, I really enjoy being out here in the heat. Saves me from having to use the sauna at the gym..."