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Thread: The Man Laws

  1. #1
    Pedro56's Avatar
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    The Man Laws

    THE MANLAWS

    1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

    2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c) After wrecking the boss's car. d) When she is using her teeth.

    3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits unless you actually marry her.

    6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is optional.

    8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event you may ask the score of the game in progress but you may never ask who's playing.

    10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless waitress... and only when it's free.

    11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.

    14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.

    15. Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    16. A man in the company of a hot suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last piece of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.

    18. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be talking about his choice of beer.

    19. Never join a wife or girlfriend in discussing a friend of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    20. Never talk to a man in a restroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line etc.

    21. Never allow a telephone call with a woman to go on longer than you can have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly just a friend have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    23. It is acceptable to drive her car, it is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    24. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, orange, or sky blue.

    25. The woman who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I wanted" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    26. There's no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.

    We've all heard about people having guts or balls but do you really know the difference between them?

    GUTS is arriving home late at night after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom and having the guts to say, "are you cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    BALLS is arriving home late after a night with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say "you're next!"


    So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
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    "I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky

    "An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk

    Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.

    A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."

    God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.

  2. #2
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Pedro, you should have posted these BEFORE you quoted Oprah!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  3. #3
    Pedro56's Avatar
    Pedro56 is offline Englewood Ranger/Infidel Extraordinaire
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    Pedro, you should have posted these BEFORE you quoted Oprah!
    I knew I would get a reply out of you. lol
    http://www.lawenforcementforums.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic763_2.gif

    "I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky

    "An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk

    Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.

    A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."

    God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.

  4. #4
    doobiej's Avatar
    doobiej is offline It just pays for beer money with dead goats
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    Anybody ever went to the man laws website. Theres some funny stuff on there.

  5. #5
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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    what is the website


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  6. #6
    doobiej's Avatar
    doobiej is offline It just pays for beer money with dead goats
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