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  1. #1
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man is offline Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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    The why's of men

    The Why's of Men

    1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (because they are plugged into a genius)

    2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
    (they don't have enough time)

    3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    (they don't stop to ask directions)

    4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
    (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

    5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
    (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

    6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
    (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

    7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    (don't know....it never happened)
    ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

    And the personal favourite:

    8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

    Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and
    laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart.
    ...........................................

  2. #2
    rob84's Avatar
    rob84 is offline Did you press the power button?
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    Number 4 is damn funny!

    www.twitter.com/RobKimble1984
    www.facebook.com/robkimble

  3. #3
    jrae Guest
    hahahaha......this is so true.

  4. #4
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star Man View Post
    The Why's of Men

    1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (because they are plugged into a genius)

    2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
    (they don't have enough time)

    3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    (they don't stop to ask directions)

    4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
    (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

    5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
    (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

    6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
    (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

    7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    (don't know....it never happened)
    ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

    And the personal favourite:

    8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

    Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and
    laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart.
    As a counter attack:
    1.How long does it take the average woman to have an orgasm?

    Who cares. If she can slip one in before I'm done, more power to her.

    2. Why do women close their eyeys during sex?

    They can't stand to see a man enjoying themselves.

    3. Why don't women fart?

    They can't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up any pressure.

    4. How many men does it take to do the dishes?

    None. That's women's work.

    5. Why do women sky-divers wear tampons?

    So they don't whistle all the way down.

    6. Why did God give women legs?

    So they don't leave a "snail-trail" when they go across a hard wood floor.

    7. What's the difference between a woman and a wash machine?

    You can drop your load in a washing machine and it doesn't expect you to call the next day.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  5. #5
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man is offline Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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    Good ones Keith
    ...........................................

  6. #6
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and
    laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart.

    Hey Iím a sour old fart and Iím giggling my ass off.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  7. #7
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    I laughed for Keiths. The other ones...Star Man(?).
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  8. #8
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man is offline Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    I laughed for Keiths. The other ones...Star Man(?).
    HAHAHA, My wife and I share an e-mail and a friend sent it to her.... I copied it here because I thought it was funny even though it thumped on men,,,
    ...........................................

  9. #9
    foxxymomma50's Avatar
    foxxymomma50 is offline Master Officer
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    One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
    "The good news," replied Adam.
    "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
    "OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?"
    "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."

    Why are men so bad at sex and driving?
    Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.

    What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.


    What do men and tights have in common?
    They're both apt to cling, run, and never fit properly between your legs.

    What is the real difference between men and women?
    A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    Why do men like smart, sexy women?
    Opposites attract.

    Why is psychoanalysis so much quicker for men than for women?
    Men don't need to be regressed back to their childhood.

    Why are well-dressed men always married?
    Because their wife chooses their clothes for them.

    What do you call a man with only half a brain?
    Gifted.

    Why are men such wankers?
    Because they have a willy with a head but no brains that hangs out with two nuts and lives next door to an arsehole.

    What do a beer bottles and men have in common?
    They are both empty from the neck up.

    Why can women never find their way to a man's heart?
    Because they aim too high.

    How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
    Both of them.

    Why don't women talk during foreplay?
    They don't have enough time.

    Why does it take three million sperm to fertilize one single egg?
    Because they're too stupid to ask for directions.

    How does a man show a woman that he is planning for the future?
    He buys ten cases of beer.

    What is the difference between men and premium bonds?
    Premium bonds might mature.

    Why are most jokes so short?
    So men can remember them.

    How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
    No one knows because it's never been done.

    Why is it so difficult for women to pick up men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
    They're all gay

    What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night.
    A widow.

    Why do married women weigh more than single women?
    Single women come home and see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
    Married women come home, take one look at what's in bed and go to the fridge.

    How do you get a man to go down on a woman?
    Put the TV remote between her legs.

    What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
    They're married.

    A man once asked God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
    God answered: "So you would love her."
    "But God," the man asked, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
    God replied: "So she would love a wanker like you."
    "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

    "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."


    "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

  10. #10
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
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    Haha, even though they are slamming men, they're still funny
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
    ΑΦΣ

  11. #11
    jrae Guest
    nice one foxxymomma50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

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