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Thread: A Pun A Day

  1. #1
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man is offline Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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    A Pun A Day

    * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    * Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    * The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

    * To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    * When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

    * The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    * A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    * A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

    * Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

    * We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

    * When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

    * The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

    * The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    * The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

    * If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

    * A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

    * What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

    * A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two-tired.

    * Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    * A backward poet writes inverse.
    ...........................................

  2. #2
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    hee hee i always like goofy stuff like this
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by gozling View Post
    hee hee i always like goofy stuff like this
    Star Man or the puns?

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  4. #4
    KaiGywer's Avatar
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    Those are funny
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
    ΑΦΣ

  5. #5
    Star Man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1sgkelly View Post
    Star Man or the puns?


    Yea Goz, me or the puns..... Huummm??? *while tapping fingers on the desk*
    ...........................................

  6. #6
    gozling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star Man View Post
    Yea Goz, me or the puns..... Huummm??? *while tapping fingers on the desk*
    umm oh ummm... the puns...
    yeah the puns
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  7. #7
    keith720's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the bell ringer at Notre Dame with no arms? When he wanted to ring the bell, he hit it with his head. No one knew his name, but his face sure rang a bell.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  8. #8
    keith720's Avatar
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    Or, how about the guy who everytime he farted, the fart sounded like "Honda?" He went to a doctor who discover an abcess on his rectum, and eveyone knows "abcess makes the farts go Honda."

    (Please stop me! I'm killing myself here!)
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  9. #9
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gozling View Post
    umm oh ummm... the puns...
    yeah the puns
    that just sounds soo dirty
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


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  10. #10
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    What about the thief who broke into the police station and stole the toilet. The police have nothing to go on.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    Or, how about the guy who everytime he farted, the fart sounded like "Honda?" He went to a doctor who discover an abcess on his rectum, and eveyone knows "abcess makes the farts go Honda."

    (Please stop me! I'm killing myself here!)
    Pun Police!


    Stop hell; shoot.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  12. #12
    keith720's Avatar
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    A young couple was at a bank trying to get money for a car. They were refused, when suddenly a masked man appeared, signed the papers for them and ran out the door. "Who was that masked man?" they asked. "That was the loan arrainger!" they were told.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    A young couple was at a bank trying to get money for a car. They were refused, when suddenly a masked man appeared, signed the papers for them and ran out the door. "Who was that masked man?" they asked. "That was the loan arrainger!" they were told.
    Lock and load all weapons systems.

    Free fire zone.


    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  14. #14
    keith720's Avatar
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    so....the bell ringer at Notre Dame dies and his identical twin applies for the job. He doesn't have any arms either. On his first attempt to ring the bell, he misses and goes over the railing. "Who was that?" a bystander asks. "I don't know, but he is a dead ringer for the last guy!"

    (I crack myself up!)
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  15. #15
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    so....the bell ringer at Notre Dame dies and his identical twin applies for the job. He doesn't have any arms either. On his first attempt to ring the bell, he misses and goes over the railing. "Who was that?" a bystander asks. "I don't know, but he is a dead ringer for the last guy!"

    (I crack myself up!)
    Wish you'd finish the job.




    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

 

 

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