Welcome to the APBWeb.
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Irish humor

  1. #1
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    06-15-06
    Location
    So. Florida
    Posts
    5,312
    Rep Power
    1659729

    Irish humor






    Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


    ababab




    Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    The man said, "I do, Father."

    The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

    Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

    "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

    Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

    The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."



    ababab

    Paddy was in New York

    He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

    He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

    After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"



    ababab

    Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

    "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

    "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"



    ababab

    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

    "Just water," says the priest.

    The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

    The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"



    ababab

    Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

    "Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

    "When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

    "Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

    She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."



    ababab

    Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

    He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

    Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

    He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

    In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

    She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

    Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

    "Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.





    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  2. #2
    Michelle's Avatar
    Michelle is offline Civilian
    Join Date
    05-11-06
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    690
    Rep Power
    200208

  3. #3
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-23-06
    Location
    memphis
    Posts
    1,606
    Rep Power
    1388294


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  4. #4
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-27-06
    Location
    Detroit
    Posts
    2,847
    Rep Power
    2067665

    "Stupid should hurt."

  5. #5
    GOOSE's Avatar
    GOOSE is offline Live 2 Ride Ride 2 Live!
    Join Date
    02-10-07
    Location
    MONT-GOMERY COUNTY ,NC
    Posts
    52
    Rep Power
    1292
    I do love the IRISH,Top of the day to ya!
    I feel its ok to burn the flag as long as u wrap yourself in it first.

  6. #6
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    01-02-06
    Location
    Mandan, ND
    Posts
    2,885
    Rep Power
    2764039
    Haha, those are funny
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
    ΑΦΣ

  7. #7
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    02-02-07
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    14,725
    Rep Power
    6936012
    Funny!
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  8. #8
    loliprice is offline Rookie
    Join Date
    02-25-07
    Location
    Mi
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0
    lol! those were great! still trying to figure out how this works!!! lol

  9. #9
    mfranklin01's Avatar
    mfranklin01 is offline its not vendication...its punishment
    Join Date
    02-27-07
    Location
    Shreveport, Louisiana
    Posts
    570
    Rep Power
    37445

  10. #10
    So Fla Cop's Avatar
    So Fla Cop is offline Trunk Monkey Supporter
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    08-04-06
    Location
    Fort Lauderdale via NYPD
    Posts
    733
    Rep Power
    200990

    another one

    An Irish priest was driving down the street and ran into the back of a car being driven by a Rabbi. Officer O'Malley shows up and asks the priest "How faast was he driving Father, when he backed into you?"
    September 11, 2001 - All gave some, some gave all. Never forget -- Never forgive.......... RIP Brothers and Sisters.

  11. #11
    rob84's Avatar
    rob84 is offline Did you press the power button?
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Join Date
    01-19-07
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    2,008
    Rep Power
    352437
    very funny!

    www.twitter.com/RobKimble1984
    www.facebook.com/robkimble

 

 

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Police humor directed at civilians....
    By cwtlady in forum General Topics
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 07-29-07, 12:02 PM
  2. Penquin humor..
    By Retmilleo909 in forum General Topics
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-18-07, 08:10 PM
  3. Irish Viagra
    By Willowdared in forum Shenanigans
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-22-07, 10:30 AM
  4. Oh Those Irish
    By Magnum440 in forum General Topics
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 01-19-07, 04:09 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •