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  1. #1
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Rules for a Perfect Marriage

    SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


    1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
    Little beverage, good food and companionship.
    She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds.
    Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .

    3. I take my wife everywhere.....
    But she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

    So I suggested the kitchen.


    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
    Bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no
    Place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
    There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was;
    She told me "In the lake."

    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
    For the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. I married Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
    I don't like to interrupt her.

    13. The last fight was my fault though.
    My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
    I said "Dust!"

    Last edited by BigDawg; 03-11-07 at 01:41 PM. Reason: Mistake posting
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  2. #2
    Pedro56's Avatar
    Pedro56 is offline Englewood Ranger/Infidel Extraordinaire
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    How about just "Don't do it?"
    http://www.lawenforcementforums.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic763_2.gif

    "I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky

    "An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk

    Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.

    A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."

    God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.

  3. #3
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
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    Haha, those are awesome!
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
    ΑΦΣ

  4. #4
    1NVtrooper's Avatar
    1NVtrooper is offline Freakie Deakie
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    thats awesome
    In memory of Carlos Borland.

    Trooper Borland was shot and killed when he stopped a car on I-80, just outside of Lovelock, Nevada, whose driver was wanted for not paying for gasoline. Unbeknownst to Trooper Borland, the suspect had just murdered two people in Texas and the vehicle was stolen. Before stopping the vehicle Trooper Borland had requested a check on the plates, but the plates had not yet been entered into NCIC. As he approached the vehicle the man pulled out a .38 caliber handgun and shot him in the head.

    The suspect was apprehended later that day. He was convicted of Trooper Borland's murder and sentenced to death.

    Trooper Borland had served with the agency for 1 year.

    BE SAFE COURTEOUS AND PROFESSIONAL WITH ALL YOUR CONTACTS, AND ALWAYS HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN ON HOW TO KILL THEM.

    GOD CREATED COPS SO THAT FIREMEN COULD HAVE HEROS TOO!!!

  5. #5
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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    funny


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  6. #6
    jrae Guest
    haha

  7. #7
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    A few years ago, my wife walked into the living room just as I was changing channels. She said, "What are you watching? Some porno?" she was pretty snotty about it, so I told her, "Yeah, it's a man's fantasy called "Debbie does housework!" My wife's name is Debbie, so that got me in a little trouble! (and "NO" I wasn't watching porno!"
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  8. #8
    lynnz05's Avatar
    lynnz05 is offline Corporal
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    Hahaha that's funny
    What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.

  9. #9
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    A few years ago, my wife walked into the living room just as I was changing channels. She said, "What are you watching? Some porno?" she was pretty snotty about it, so I told her, "Yeah, it's a man's fantasy called "Debbie does housework!" My wife's name is Debbie, so that got me in a little trouble! (and "NO" I wasn't watching porno!"
    Hahahahahahah!

    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
    ΑΦΣ

  10. #10
    dla4079's Avatar
    dla4079 is offline Corporal
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    LMAO!!!!!!!!! I love it.....gotta send it to my wife!

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  11. #11
    Tony's Avatar
    Tony is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    A few years ago, my wife walked into the living room just as I was changing channels. She said, "What are you watching? Some porno?" she was pretty snotty about it, so I told her, "Yeah, it's a man's fantasy called "Debbie does housework!" My wife's name is Debbie, so that got me in a little trouble! (and "NO" I wasn't watching porno!"

 

 

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