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Thread: Rules for a Perfect Marriage
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03-11-07, 01:40 PM #1
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Rules for a Perfect Marriage
SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
Little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
Bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no
Place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was;
She told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
For the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
Last edited by BigDawg; 03-11-07 at 01:41 PM. Reason: Mistake posting
"An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper
Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!
"Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
-Ronald Reagan
" I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
General Norman Schwartzkopf
Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
(author unknown)
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03-11-07, 03:08 PM #2
Englewood Ranger/Infidel Extraordinaire
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How about just "Don't do it?"
"I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky
"An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk
Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.
A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."
God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.
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03-11-07, 10:10 PM #3
*insert witty remark here*
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Haha, those are awesome!
Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
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03-11-07, 10:11 PM #4
Freakie Deakie
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thats awesome
In memory of Carlos Borland.
Trooper Borland was shot and killed when he stopped a car on I-80, just outside of Lovelock, Nevada, whose driver was wanted for not paying for gasoline. Unbeknownst to Trooper Borland, the suspect had just murdered two people in Texas and the vehicle was stolen. Before stopping the vehicle Trooper Borland had requested a check on the plates, but the plates had not yet been entered into NCIC. As he approached the vehicle the man pulled out a .38 caliber handgun and shot him in the head.
The suspect was apprehended later that day. He was convicted of Trooper Borland's murder and sentenced to death.
Trooper Borland had served with the agency for 1 year.
BE SAFE COURTEOUS AND PROFESSIONAL WITH ALL YOUR CONTACTS, AND ALWAYS HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN ON HOW TO KILL THEM.
GOD CREATED COPS SO THAT FIREMEN COULD HAVE HEROS TOO!!!
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03-11-07, 10:56 PM #5
Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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funny
"A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
Ben
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
brought my rifle."
(just stole this one hope you don't mind)
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03-12-07, 01:29 PM #6jrae Guest
haha
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03-12-07, 02:12 PM #7
Finely Aged
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A few years ago, my wife walked into the living room just as I was changing channels. She said, "What are you watching? Some porno?" she was pretty snotty about it, so I told her, "Yeah, it's a man's fantasy called "Debbie does housework!" My wife's name is Debbie, so that got me in a little trouble! (and "NO" I wasn't watching porno!"
For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
Winston Churchill
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03-12-07, 04:00 PM #8
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Hahaha that's funny
What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.
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03-12-07, 11:02 PM #9
*insert witty remark here*
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Hahahahahahah!
Originally Posted by keith758
Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
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03-13-07, 12:24 AM #10
Corporal
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LMAO!!!!!!!!! I love it.....gotta send it to my wife!
Capt. D. Larimore
NTISF Gang Unit
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06-15-07, 07:38 PM #11
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Originally Posted by keith720
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