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Thread: Facts About Men

  1. #1
    carolina's Avatar
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    Facts About Men

    Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

    Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

    If you buy your husband a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

    Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."

    Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

    Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

    If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

    Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

    Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

    All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

    The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

    Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

    Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

    All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

    A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

    Men love gadgets and lots of it. My husband has practically everything from Sharper Image. Name it, he has it, but does he need all of them - I didn't think so.

    All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

    Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

    Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

    All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

    Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

    Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

    Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

    Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

    Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  2. #2
    carolina's Avatar
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    More facts

    Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
    A. Shoot him again.

    Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
    A. When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

    Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
    A. His body.

    Q. Why do little boys whine?
    A. Because they're practicing to be men.

    Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

    Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A. Trustworthy.

    Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
    A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

    Q. Why do men name their penises?
    A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

    Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
    A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

    Q. Why do black widows kill their mates after mating?
    A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
    A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick one.

    Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
    A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

    Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
    A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Q: What is the difference between men and women?
    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    Q: How does a man keep his youth?
    A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals".


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  3. #3
    Emily is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by carolina View Post
    If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

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  5. #5
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    Hahahahahahah. How true. Well not the pillow thing. Somebody of maybe male persuasion irrate you?
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  6. #6
    carolina's Avatar
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    sorry, just bored today ... lol I am sure I'll find one about women too, give me some time

    sorry if it offends

    LOL, I didn't agree with "all" of them, but some are on target


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

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    carolina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lewisipso View Post
    Hahahahahahah. How true. Well not the pillow thing. Somebody of maybe male persuasion irrate you?
    kinda sorta ... I always get this way when I have to "deal" with my ex in anyway Could be why I changed to the peace symbol today .... LOL

    Again my apologies if it offends
    Last edited by carolina; 03-26-07 at 12:11 AM.


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  8. #8
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    No offense. Thought it was funny.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  9. #9
    carolina's Avatar
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    Apology

    Ok today after re-reading this I feel bad. This was not intended to "men bash" LOL ...

    Let's just say that I had to deal with my ex that makes me want to

    do all those things! It could also be in reference to all the ones you've been discussing lately that do stupid things like beat on little women and cause teens to loose their lives ... this is who this refers to!

    not the good guys! You guys are the best!

    My dumb ass ex has been promising my daughter a Christmas present since November and she hasn't seen it yet! WHY the Hell does he keep telling her next week, next week, wtf Just be a man and say I'm not ....

    As you can see i put this in humor spot and I am ranting and raving which I am sure you don't want to hear here too! LOL

    So now you know !


    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo Buscaglia

  10. #10
    gozling's Avatar
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    lighten up... it was funny
    if someone cant laugh at themselves... then they need a sense of humor
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

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    I'm soooo offended that I'm gonna get a sex change
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

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    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
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    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  12. #12
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    those are pretty good, and there is a certain element of truth to some of them.

    Now, for a small retort......

    Why do women skydivers wear tampons?
    So they don't whistle all of the way down.

    Why did cavemen drag women by their hair?
    So they didn't fill-up with rocks.

    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
    Nothing. You told her twice already.

    How many men does it take to change a lightbulb in the kitchen?
    None. if she wants light, she can open the refrigerator.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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