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  1. #1
    markw76's Avatar
    markw76 is offline Guy behind the mic
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    Talking cops say the darndest things

    The following were taken from actual police car videos around the
    country. (true or false? Who knows)

    "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    "Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

    "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh....did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

    "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey crap."

    "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    "Just how big were those two beers?"

    "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    And the best one...

    "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.

    Sign here."
    "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible actions." ~ George Washington.

    A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers.

  2. #2
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    lol some of those are very funny
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  3. #3
    BEB
    BEB is offline Banned
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    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
    Dog? Oh, wait, that was Pluto. Cat then!

  4. #4
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Eventually, I will use all of those. In the next week.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  5. #5
    TwanimusPrime's Avatar
    TwanimusPrime is offline Moving on up...to the east side!
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    Quote Originally Posted by markw76 View Post

    "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
    My personal favorite, now I just need a situation where I can use it :P

 

 

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