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Thread: Terrible Tommy

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    Buttercup's Avatar
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    Terrible Tommy

    Terrible Tommy's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

    When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Tommy's family was invited over to see the baby.

    Before they left their house, Terrible Tommy's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get punished severely when they came back home.

    Terrible Tommy told his dad he understood completely.

    When Tommy looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

    The mother said, "Why, thank you, Tommy."

    Terrible Tommy said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

    "Yes", the mother replied,"we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

    That's great," said Terrible Tommy, "cuz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses".





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    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

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    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

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    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Is he related to little Johnny?

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

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    Yeah- sounds like a little Johnny joke.

    Little Johnny's teacher was playing a new alphabet game with the glass. She would call out a letter, and someone in the class had to say a word that started with that letter.

    "A!" called the teacher.
    The first kid to raise his hand was little Johnny. Oh, no you don't! thought the teacher, she figured he would use it to curse and say something like "Asshole." So the teacher picks the next person to raise their hand, little Susie.
    "Apple!" said Susie.
    The whole afternoon was like that as the teach progressed through the alphabet. She'd call out a letter, Johnny would raise his hand, and she would skip over him out of fear of his potty mouth.

    Finally, she got to 'W'. Johnny's hand shot up.
    There isn't any curse word I can think of that starts with 'W' she thought. So giving Johnny a chance to shine, she calls on him.

    "WOOM!" yells Johnny.
    "Very good!" said the teacher, "a womb, like where a baby grows inside it's mommy's tummy, right?"
    "No!", said Johnny, "like two elephants fucking- WOOM WOOM WOOM!"
    "If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking." -Gen. George S. Patton

 

 

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