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04-05-07, 08:51 PM #1
Swamp Kitty
Supporting Member Lvl 3- Join Date
- 08-29-06
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I Think You Are the Father of One of My Kids
I Think You Are the Father of One of My Kids
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
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04-05-07, 09:11 PM #2
Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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Verified LEO
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- 02-02-07
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Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me
We are who we choose to be.
R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012
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04-06-07, 12:00 AM #3
Nobody important.
- Join Date
- 05-17-06
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Welllllll; that was my second choice.
We are the thin blue line
between you
and all the money in the world.
And no you can't have any.
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04-06-07, 08:46 PM #4
The Dark Lord
- Join Date
- 12-22-06
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.
DAMNIT!"Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect
"You! On your knees!" -Green Jello
Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
I take delight in the juice of the barley,
and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...
"You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow
Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.
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04-06-07, 10:05 PM #5
Making my streets safer, one day at a time
Verified LEO- Join Date
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Hhehe...wet celery always does me in .
"Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail."
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04-06-07, 11:20 PM #6
K9 Officer
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 12-21-06
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lmao,
YEAH, IM THE BERRIES, AND CHERRIES IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
Eat it, Play with it, or piss on it, and walk away!
As smart as man is, we haven't been able to invent a machine that can smell drugs or tell us where a person has walked,” Dogs are sophisticated investigative tools!
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04-07-07, 05:55 AM #7
BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
Verified LEO
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- 01-18-07
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.
"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
- Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America
Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To war and arms I fly. - Lovelace
The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.
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04-07-07, 10:11 AM #8
Swamp Kitty
Supporting Member Lvl 3
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- 08-29-06
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Thanks!!!!!!! it's the thought that counts............NOT..
Originally Posted by CelticCop
points count......lol....seriously... thanks thanks thanks for trying..
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04-07-07, 10:56 AM #9
Thrives in sunshine
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04-07-07, 11:06 PM #10
Major
Supporting Member Lvl 3
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Hahahaha!
Calm Like A Bomb...
“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
-Winston Churchill
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04-07-07, 11:10 PM #11
The Dark Lord
- Join Date
- 12-22-06
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I swear to the Gods.... You are one of the funniest women on LEF.
Not knocking the rest of you ladies, but you gotta admit she comes out with some zingers."Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect
"You! On your knees!" -Green Jello
Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
I take delight in the juice of the barley,
and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...
"You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow
Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.
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04-07-07, 11:11 PM #12
Corporal
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- 01-02-06
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She is funny
What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.
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04-08-07, 12:10 AM #13
Swamp Kitty
Supporting Member Lvl 3
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- 08-29-06
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thank ya thank ya very much
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04-08-07, 09:42 PM #14
Member
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- 02-19-06
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Very funny!!!
A Smile
A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.
It enriches those who receive it,without making poorer those who give.It takes but a moment, but the memoryof it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that hecan get along without it,and none is so poor but thathe can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,fosters goodwill in business,and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary,cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,or stolen, for it is something that is of novalue to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.Give them one of yours, as none needs a smileso much as he who has no more to give.
- author unknown
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