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  1. #1
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    I Think You Are the Father of One of My Kids


    I Think You Are the Father of One of My Kids


    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"







    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

  2. #2
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  3. #3
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Welllllll; that was my second choice.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  4. #4
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.

    DAMNIT!
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  5. #5
    armygrnt502's Avatar
    armygrnt502 is offline Making my streets safer, one day at a time
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    Hhehe...wet celery always does me in .
    "Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail."


  6. #6
    k-9max's Avatar
    k-9max is offline K9 Officer
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    lmao,
    YEAH, IM THE BERRIES, AND CHERRIES IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.

    Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
    Eat it, Play with it, or piss on it, and walk away!

    As smart as man is, we haven't been able to invent a machine that can smell drugs or tell us where a person has walked, Dogs are sophisticated investigative tools!

  7. #7
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  8. #8
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    Quote Originally Posted by CelticCop View Post
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.

    DAMNIT!
    Thanks!!!!!!! it's the thought that counts............NOT.. points count......lol....seriously... thanks thanks thanks for trying..

  9. #9
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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  10. #10
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    Hahahaha!
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  11. #11
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    I swear to the Gods.... You are one of the funniest women on LEF.

    Not knocking the rest of you ladies, but you gotta admit she comes out with some zingers.
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  12. #12
    lynnz05's Avatar
    lynnz05 is offline Corporal
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    She is funny
    What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.

  13. #13
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    thank ya thank ya very much

  14. #14
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    Very funny!!!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

 

 

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