How dogs and women are alike.

**Retmilleo909** · 04-23-07, 02:31 PM

Have you ever noticed how much dogs and women are a alike?

Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Both know how to wag their tails.
Both look good in fur coats.
Both look stupid in hats.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Neither can understand football.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

Of course girls, you know I'm kidding, ahem.

**Rhino** · 04-23-07, 05:11 PM

There is one difference...

Dogs can drive better. Uh-oh, gotta go!

**foxxymomma50** · 04-23-07, 06:44 PM

Oh yea?! Well.....Here are some for you men!

1.Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.
2.Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
3.Men are like....Beer.
The first sip is always bitter.
No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache, but somehow they linger and you either can't finish one or you can't get enough.
4.Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
5.Men are like....Bras.
They offer light, medium and complete support.
6.Men are like....Buses.
They come every 15 minutes.
7.Men are like....Buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.
8.Men are like....Computers.
And a smart woman keeps a backup.
9.Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
10.Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
11.Men are like.....Fires.
They go out if unattended!
12.Men are like....Fine wine. They start out as grapes.
It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.
13.Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
14.Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
15.Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion
16.Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
17.Men are like....Oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore!
18.Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table
19.Men are like.....Recliners.
You pull the lever and they lay back
20.Men are like....Teeth.
You ignore them - you lose them.
21.Husbands are like....Children
They're fine if they're someone else's.

Mess with women and they will mess with ya back!

**Retmilleo909** · 04-23-07, 06:58 PM

Oh yeah, so how about this!?

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
A dog's parents never visit.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs aren't catty.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Dogs can't talk.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
Dogs think you sing great.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN

**mavriktu** · 04-23-07, 07:12 PM

Never any popcorn when you need it

I am going to stay safe,sit back,and watch the action.(at least I have beer

)

**Ducky** · 04-23-07, 07:22 PM

OK guys, if that's how you feel....

You can screw the pooch, instead.

**CelticCop** · 04-23-07, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Ducky

OK guys, if that's how you feel....

You can screw the pooch, instead.

Ducks..... I ain't said SHIT!

**dapples** · 04-23-07, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by Ducky

OK guys, if that's how you feel....

You can screw the pooch, instead.

+1.........absolutely brilliant..wish I had thought of it....btw..they prob already have ...we just dont know it..............yet

**blackcamaro8895** · 04-23-07, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by Ducky

OK guys, if that's how you feel....

You can screw the pooch, instead.

AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!!

**Pudge** · 04-23-07, 08:34 PM

I know what fights to pick, and this for DAMN sure aint one of em!!!

**Morning Coffee** · 04-23-07, 09:30 PM

Esteda and foxymomma these are great , keep bringing them ...lol

**121Traffic** · 04-23-07, 11:10 PM

Moved to jokes.

**pc830cop** · 04-23-07, 11:46 PM

Fighting from the red corner of the octagon, Esteda.

Fighting from the blue corner, Foxy.

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLE!

**Pedro56** · 04-24-07, 01:39 AM

Speaking of pooches

thats what I thought the similarity was

**BabyGirl** · 04-24-07, 01:49 AM

Dogs are fine sometimes, but women don't crap on the floor, and chew the arm off your brand new sofa!!! LMAO!!!!!!

**dapples** · 04-24-07, 10:34 PM

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

**Blueline32** · 04-25-07, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by foxxymomma50

Oh yea?! Well.....Here are some for you men!

20.Men are like....Teeth.
You ignore them - you lose them.
21.Husbands are like....Children
They're fine if they're someone else's.

Mess with women and they will mess with ya back!

Wow wonder what she means by these two??? Hmmmmmmmmmm

**BabyGirl** · 04-25-07, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by dapples

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

I think men would prefer to hear the sports scores!!! LMAO!!!!!