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  1. #1
    Retmilleo909 is offline Banned
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    How dogs and women are alike.

    Have you ever noticed how much dogs and women are a alike?
    Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
    Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
    Both constantly want back rubs.
    Both know how to wag their tails.
    Both look good in fur coats.
    Both look stupid in hats.
    Both put too much value on kissing.
    Both tend to have "hip" problems.
    Neither believe that silence is golden.
    Neither can balance a checkbook.
    Neither can understand football.
    You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

    Of course girls, you know I'm kidding, ahem.

  2. #2
    Rhino's Avatar
    Rhino is offline Meat-eater & Fire-breather
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    There is one difference...

    Dogs can drive better. Uh-oh, gotta go!
    "If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking." -Gen. George S. Patton

  3. #3
    foxxymomma50's Avatar
    foxxymomma50 is offline Master Officer
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    Oh yea?! Well.....Here are some for you men!


    1.Men are like....Animals
    Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.
    2.Men are like.....Bank accounts.
    Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
    3.Men are like....Beer.
    The first sip is always bitter.
    No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache, but somehow they linger and you either can't finish one or you can't get enough.
    4.Men are like.....Bike helmets.
    Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
    5.Men are like....Bras.
    They offer light, medium and complete support.
    6.Men are like....Buses.
    They come every 15 minutes.
    7.Men are like....Buses.
    They have spare tires and smell funny.
    8.Men are like....Computers.
    And a smart woman keeps a backup.
    9.Men are like.....Copiers.
    You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
    10.Men are like.....Curling irons.
    They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
    11.Men are like.....Fires.
    They go out if unattended!
    12.Men are like....Fine wine. They start out as grapes.
    It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
    And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.
    13.Men are like.....High heels.
    They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
    14.Men are like.....Lava lamps.
    Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
    15.Men are like.....Mascara.
    They usually run at the first sign of emotion
    16.Men are like.....Mini skirts.
    If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
    17.Men are like....Oreos.
    Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore!
    18.Men are like.....Placemats.
    They only show up when there's food on the table
    19.Men are like.....Recliners.
    You pull the lever and they lay back
    20.Men are like....Teeth.
    You ignore them - you lose them.
    21.Husbands are like....Children
    They're fine if they're someone else's.

    Mess with women and they will mess with ya back!
    "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

    "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."


    "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

  4. #4
    Retmilleo909 is offline Banned
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    Oh yeah, so how about this!?

    A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
    A dog's parents never visit.
    A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
    Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
    Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
    Dogs are excited by rough play.
    Dogs aren't catty.
    Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
    Dogs can't talk.
    Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
    Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
    Dogs don't cry.
    Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
    Dogs don't hate their bodies.
    Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
    Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
    Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
    Dogs don't shop.
    Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
    Dogs don't worry about germs.
    Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
    Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
    Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
    Dogs like beer.
    Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
    Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
    Dogs love it when your friends come over.
    Dogs love long car trips.
    Dogs love red meat.
    Dogs never criticize.
    Dogs never expect gifts.
    Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
    Dogs never want foot-rubs.
    Dogs seldom outlive you.
    Dogs think you sing great.
    Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
    Dogs understand that farts are funny.
    Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
    Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
    Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
    If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
    No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
    No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
    The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
    You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
    HOW DOGS AND WOMEN

  5. #5
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Never any popcorn when you need it I am going to stay safe,sit back,and watch the action.(at least I have beer )

  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    OK guys, if that's how you feel....







    You can screw the pooch, instead.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    OK guys, if that's how you feel....







    You can screw the pooch, instead.


    Ducks..... I ain't said SHIT!
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  8. #8
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    OK guys, if that's how you feel....







    You can screw the pooch, instead.




    +1.........absolutely brilliant..wish I had thought of it....btw..they prob already have ...we just dont know it..............yet

  9. #9
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    blackcamaro8895 is offline Master Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    OK guys, if that's how you feel....







    You can screw the pooch, instead.
    AMEN SISTA!!!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Pudge's Avatar
    Pudge is online now Site Admin
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    I know what fights to pick, and this for DAMN sure aint one of em!!!
    "Like" us on facebook! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Offic...93147194083228

    Follow members of O/R as they tweet a "Ride a long" on their shifts on the front page of the site and on twitter at the following links:

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    The opinions given in my posts & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Pudge" on Officerresource.com

  11. #11
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    Esteda and foxymomma these are great , keep bringing them ...lol
    Cops are sworn to protect your a@@ not kiss it .

  12. #12
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    121Traffic is offline Just Us
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    Moved to jokes.
    "If anything worthwhile comes of this tragedy, it should be the realization by every citizen that often the only thing that stands between them and losing everything they hold dear... is the man wearing a badge." -- Ronald Reagan, in the wake of the deaths of 4 CHP troopers in the Newhall Incident, 1970

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "121Traffic" on O/R.

  13. #13
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    Fighting from the red corner of the octagon, Esteda.

    Fighting from the blue corner, Foxy.

    LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLE!


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  14. #14
    Pedro56's Avatar
    Pedro56 is offline Englewood Ranger/Infidel Extraordinaire
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    Speaking of pooches





    thats what I thought the similarity was
    http://www.lawenforcementforums.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic763_2.gif

    "I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky

    "An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk

    Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.

    A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."

    God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.

  15. #15
    BabyGirl is offline Rookie
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    Dogs are fine sometimes, but women don't crap on the floor, and chew the arm off your brand new sofa!!! LMAO!!!!!!

  16. #16
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

    The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

  17. #17
    Blueline32's Avatar
    Blueline32 is offline Officer First Class
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    Quote Originally Posted by foxxymomma50 View Post
    Oh yea?! Well.....Here are some for you men!


    20.Men are like....Teeth.
    You ignore them - you lose them.
    21.Husbands are like....Children
    They're fine if they're someone else's.

    Mess with women and they will mess with ya back!
    Wow wonder what she means by these two??? Hmmmmmmmmmm
    The day you are born is the day you start to die.

    Sometimes there is JUSTICE. Sometimes there is JUST US!!!


    The opinions expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council (not that I give a flying dog shit about these people), or any member of my department.

  18. #18
    BabyGirl is offline Rookie
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    Quote Originally Posted by dapples View Post
    Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.

    The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
    I think men would prefer to hear the sports scores!!! LMAO!!!!!

  19. #19
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    OK guys, if that's how you feel....







    You can screw the pooch, instead.
    LOL Ducky! If I had more rep to give, ya woulda got some !!
    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  20. #20
    foxxymomma50's Avatar
    foxxymomma50 is offline Master Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blueline32 View Post
    Wow wonder what she means by these two??? Hmmmmmmmmmm
    Found 'em on the internet. Can't explain #21.

    But as for #20.....

    EEWWWWW!!!

    In other words, if you have something that's good and wanna keep it, don't ignore it!
    "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

    "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."


    "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

 

 
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