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  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Talking International Alert Levels - Un PC Version

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A
    Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white
    flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
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  2. #2
    Ducky's Avatar
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    So does that mean for the US that we have "Thinking about kicking ass" "Need to kick some ass" "Kicking ass" and "Screw kicking, get out the H bomb"? The only real problem is that our politicians keep us from effectively "kicking ass", but won't let us "Screw kicking..."
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    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  3. #3
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    I can get away with sending that to some of my Brit friends... Not gonna be able to send it to any of my French or German friens as Neither of those nationalities have any ide what Humour is. They lack the ability to laugh at themselves.

    I agree with Ducks... Throw the bastards out and let us get to the Screw Kicking Ass stage. That region needs a Serious Plasma Enema...
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

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    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  4. #4
    Lo523's Avatar
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    That was really funny, definitely got to copy that one!
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  5. #5
    Lo523's Avatar
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    Apparently I have to spread the rep around first!
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  6. #6
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    Well the British one is right, but you Yanks only have two levels. Ignore the World or Bomb it.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



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  7. #7
    iso607's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42 View Post
    Well the British one is right, but you Yanks only have two levels. Ignore the World or Bomb it.
    When it comes to bombing or getting bombed, I'd like to be the one doing the bombing, wouldn't you?

  8. #8
    CelticCop's Avatar
    CelticCop is offline The Dark Lord
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    Yeah well... It worked pretty well back in the '40s... We ignored the world until Hirohito decided that it'd be a good idea to bring us into the Game... We were helping you a bit too as I recall. Of course then we were "Overpaid, oversexed and Over There". Up until D-day... Then we figured out how to make a city go from 75 degrees to 10,000 degrees in a split second and that was that.

    If you can figure out how to get these idiots in our Gov't to let the Troops fight the war, I'd appreciate you dropping us a line. The bastards have been hemming our lads up since 1965 and I'm frankly tired of it. We were all in the WIN column until those Bastards started sticking their noses in and trying to tell the Generals how to fight a war.
    "Where's your towel Arthur?" -Ford Prefect

    "You! On your knees!" -Green Jello

    Some take delight in the carriages a rollin'
    and some take delight in the hurley and the bowlin',
    I take delight in the juice of the barley,
    and courtin' pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early...


    "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of..." Cmdre. Norrington "Ah, but you have heard of me." Capt. Jack Sparrow

    Warning my statements do not reflect the policies, procedures or views of my agency. As a matter of fact, they think I'm just as nuts as you do, so shove it and blow it out of your fart tube.

  9. #9
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42 View Post
    Well the British one is right, but you Yanks only have two levels. Ignore the World or Bomb it.
    I for one, would like to correct you sir!!

    There are two levels, and two levels only.. "Thinking about bombing it" and "freshly made crater"


  10. #10
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    I think that the middle east would make a nice vacation lake area.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

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    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
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    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


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  11. #11
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    Quote Originally Posted by cntryboy0531 View Post
    I for one, would like to correct you sir!!

    There are two levels, and two levels only.. "Thinking about bombing it" and "freshly made crater"

    No, yours needs THREE Levels. "Thinking about bombing it", "freshly made crater" and "Ooops, wrong Target."
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



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