The Difference

[dla4079]

The Rookie

AKA: Hotdog, Gopher, Yound Warrior, Fresh Meat, Cherries. Technical Nomenclature: Wide Eyedicus Bushy Tailicus

1. Smiles incessantly at all the wrong times. Always assumes the Lieutenant is thrilled to see him. Expression on face is result of watching old Howdy Dowdy reruns.

2. Uniform so starched he can't bend at waist. Wears sufficient body armor to stop 105mm rounds. Holster is brand new and well oiled to allow quick drawing in mirrors.

3. Hairstyle: Neat and short. Can endure 60 mph winds.

4. Had eyes surgically enlarged during the academy to increase powers of observation. Must now sleep with eyes taped shut.

5. Shines whistle daily - loves to direct traffic.

6. Police badge numbers: 1550 or above.

7. Police helmet always nearby.

8. Matching silver pen and pencil set.

9. Salutes anyone with more seniority, including Explorer Scouts.

10. Carries touch-up paint to touch up nicks on PR-24.

11. Carries two or more sets of handcuffs, speedloaders, extra clips and extra shotgun shells.

12. Shotgun - never dirty, never dusty, never used! Cleaned daily.

13. Has yet to develop a sense of injustice.

14. Is thrilled to have his first full-time job. Can't believe someone gets paid for doing this.

15. Knows absolutely for sure he will never, ever, ever get divorced.

16. Carries a new Glock, a .380 back-up, and a .38 in an ankle holster on one leg, and a Gerber knife on the other.

17. Believes every word his FTO says is directly from God or the Chief.

18. Duffel bags contain: extra white out, all departmental policy books, complete set of criminal and traffic laws for the city, state and adjoining areas, riot gear, binoculars, backup flashlight, flex-cuffs, fingerprint kit, rain gear, shoe polish, brass polish, and a sack lunch.

19. Briefcase contains: Books like - "I'm OK, You're OK" (personally owned), "I'm OK, You're Scum" (borrowed from an FTO), "How to Marry Rich", "How to Fake
Experience", Video-taped episodes of Miami Vice, Stress card and an assortment of candy bars and bubblegum.

20. Can't wait to catch his first criminal.

The Veteran

AKA: Old Man, John Law, Older than Dirt, Sir (to you) Technical Nomenclature: Obeselardicus Uglus Protecticus

1. Never smiles - feels it would detract from his masculine demeanor, unless the Lieutenant accidentally walks into the door.

2. Lost one shirt button, but figures he'll be in the car most of the time so no one will notice.

3. Thinning hair due to stress of trying to adjust to:
a. increasing unclear distinction between "us" and "them".
b. arguments with increasing numbers of recruits who believe the Chief is God.

4. Handgun is proof stainless steel rusts. Survival holster needs repair.

5. Whistle - handed down from two generations by relatives who were on the force.

6. "Sergeant" - has gold badge and chevrons on everything. Been know to flash badge at church offerings.

7. Hat - worn to reinforce his "in control" image. Keeps receding hairline from showing and with full sideburns gives the appearance of a full head of hair.

8. Uses City issued Bic pens.

9. Sunglasses - always worn:
a. Suspect can't tell when he's being watched.
b. Lieutenant can't tell when he's catching a few winks for that extra job.
c. doesn't have to explain blood-shot eyes.

10. Doesn't believe in a PR-whatchamacallit. Still uses a baton wrapped with friction tape, prevents slipping during application of a "good old grand slammer."

11. Still has handcuff key. Cuffs last seen on spoiled child at family reunion. Veteran officer claims he lost the key.

12. Lost flashlight while sneaking up on "neckers."

13. Firmly believes all suspects are guilty or they would have not been arrested.

14. Likes his job but, has been counting the days to retirement for 15 years.

15. Arthritic condition from repeated wearing and removing wedding rings. Has been married numerous times, the exact number depends on whether you count the trip to Tijuana or not.

16. Pockets contain cigarettes bummed from rookie partner whom he suspects of being communist due to using hair spray instead of oil. Copenhagen Snuff maintained in case he's asked for a smoke, he can claim he switched to snuff.

17. Never asks questions - knows all the answers. Lucky rabbit foot always on his person, gives him courage to face another day riding with a rookie.

18. Wallet contains: one expired "AAA" card, one prescription for a 3 day supply of penicillin, membership card to Parents without Partners, and a photo of John Wayne.

19. Briefcase (in locker room) contains: Bottle of No-doze, checkbook and unpaid bills, and books such as "36 Ways to Call in Sick with Dignity" or "How to Beat the System" (10 hours pay for 5 hours work).

20. Walks slowly out of the office so if there are any report calls pending, the first one on the air will get them. Lets Rookies handle the paperwork, they need the practice. Rates assigned district by the number of restaurants which feed for free.

21. Remembers training the Chief or the Deputy Chief.

22. Loosens belt every hour to maintain circulation to the legs.

[BigDawg]

How true, how true.

[countybear]

Perfect!!

Here he is, the "vet" illustrated.

[dla4079]

that is hilarious!!!!

[JLK]

what if you in between the two

[213th]

you forgot one category...civilian who wants to know what a PR-24 is....

[lewisipso]