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Thread: The Difference

  1. #1
    dla4079's Avatar
    dla4079 is offline Corporal
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    The Difference

    The Rookie

    AKA: Hotdog, Gopher, Yound Warrior, Fresh Meat, Cherries. Technical Nomenclature: Wide Eyedicus Bushy Tailicus

    1. Smiles incessantly at all the wrong times. Always assumes the Lieutenant is thrilled to see him. Expression on face is result of watching old Howdy Dowdy reruns.

    2. Uniform so starched he can't bend at waist. Wears sufficient body armor to stop 105mm rounds. Holster is brand new and well oiled to allow quick drawing in mirrors.

    3. Hairstyle: Neat and short. Can endure 60 mph winds.

    4. Had eyes surgically enlarged during the academy to increase powers of observation. Must now sleep with eyes taped shut.

    5. Shines whistle daily - loves to direct traffic.

    6. Police badge numbers: 1550 or above.

    7. Police helmet always nearby.

    8. Matching silver pen and pencil set.

    9. Salutes anyone with more seniority, including Explorer Scouts.

    10. Carries touch-up paint to touch up nicks on PR-24.

    11. Carries two or more sets of handcuffs, speedloaders, extra clips and extra shotgun shells.

    12. Shotgun - never dirty, never dusty, never used! Cleaned daily.

    13. Has yet to develop a sense of injustice.

    14. Is thrilled to have his first full-time job. Can't believe someone gets paid for doing this.

    15. Knows absolutely for sure he will never, ever, ever get divorced.

    16. Carries a new Glock, a .380 back-up, and a .38 in an ankle holster on one leg, and a Gerber knife on the other.

    17. Believes every word his FTO says is directly from God or the Chief.

    18. Duffel bags contain: extra white out, all departmental policy books, complete set of criminal and traffic laws for the city, state and adjoining areas, riot gear, binoculars, backup flashlight, flex-cuffs, fingerprint kit, rain gear, shoe polish, brass polish, and a sack lunch.

    19. Briefcase contains: Books like - "I'm OK, You're OK" (personally owned), "I'm OK, You're Scum" (borrowed from an FTO), "How to Marry Rich", "How to Fake
    Experience", Video-taped episodes of Miami Vice, Stress card and an assortment of candy bars and bubblegum.

    20. Can't wait to catch his first criminal.

    The Veteran

    AKA: Old Man, John Law, Older than Dirt, Sir (to you) Technical Nomenclature: Obeselardicus Uglus Protecticus

    1. Never smiles - feels it would detract from his masculine demeanor, unless the Lieutenant accidentally walks into the door.

    2. Lost one shirt button, but figures he'll be in the car most of the time so no one will notice.

    3. Thinning hair due to stress of trying to adjust to:
    a. increasing unclear distinction between "us" and "them".
    b. arguments with increasing numbers of recruits who believe the Chief is God.

    4. Handgun is proof stainless steel rusts. Survival holster needs repair.

    5. Whistle - handed down from two generations by relatives who were on the force.

    6. "Sergeant" - has gold badge and chevrons on everything. Been know to flash badge at church offerings.

    7. Hat - worn to reinforce his "in control" image. Keeps receding hairline from showing and with full sideburns gives the appearance of a full head of hair.

    8. Uses City issued Bic pens.

    9. Sunglasses - always worn:
    a. Suspect can't tell when he's being watched.
    b. Lieutenant can't tell when he's catching a few winks for that extra job.
    c. doesn't have to explain blood-shot eyes.

    10. Doesn't believe in a PR-whatchamacallit. Still uses a baton wrapped with friction tape, prevents slipping during application of a "good old grand slammer."

    11. Still has handcuff key. Cuffs last seen on spoiled child at family reunion. Veteran officer claims he lost the key.

    12. Lost flashlight while sneaking up on "neckers."

    13. Firmly believes all suspects are guilty or they would have not been arrested.

    14. Likes his job but, has been counting the days to retirement for 15 years.

    15. Arthritic condition from repeated wearing and removing wedding rings. Has been married numerous times, the exact number depends on whether you count the trip to Tijuana or not.

    16. Pockets contain cigarettes bummed from rookie partner whom he suspects of being communist due to using hair spray instead of oil. Copenhagen Snuff maintained in case he's asked for a smoke, he can claim he switched to snuff.

    17. Never asks questions - knows all the answers. Lucky rabbit foot always on his person, gives him courage to face another day riding with a rookie.

    18. Wallet contains: one expired "AAA" card, one prescription for a 3 day supply of penicillin, membership card to Parents without Partners, and a photo of John Wayne.

    19. Briefcase (in locker room) contains: Bottle of No-doze, checkbook and unpaid bills, and books such as "36 Ways to Call in Sick with Dignity" or "How to Beat the System" (10 hours pay for 5 hours work).

    20. Walks slowly out of the office so if there are any report calls pending, the first one on the air will get them. Lets Rookies handle the paperwork, they need the practice. Rates assigned district by the number of restaurants which feed for free.

    21. Remembers training the Chief or the Deputy Chief.

    22. Loosens belt every hour to maintain circulation to the legs.

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  2. #2
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    How true, how true.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  3. #3
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    Perfect!!

    Here he is, the "vet" illustrated.


    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  4. #4
    dla4079's Avatar
    dla4079 is offline Corporal
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    that is hilarious!!!!

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  5. #5
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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    what if you in between the two


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  6. #6
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    you forgot one category...civilian who wants to know what a PR-24 is....
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  7. #7
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


 

 

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