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Thread: A Dogs Diary

  1. #1
    k-9max's Avatar
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    A Dogs Diary

    A DOG'S DIARY

    7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

    8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

    9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

    Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

    2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

    3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

    4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

    6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

    7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

    8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

    9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

    11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

    A CAT'S DIARY

    Day 183 of my captivity.

    My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

    The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
    satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
    another house plant.

    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
    they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top
    of the stairs.

    In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
    again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this
    on their bed.

    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
    make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
    their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
    kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
    solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the
    noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my
    confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called
    "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
    dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
    obviously a half-wit.

    The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with
    them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
    current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
    wait.

    It's only a matter of time.
    YEAH, IM THE BERRIES, AND CHERRIES IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.

    Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
    Eat it, Play with it, or piss on it, and walk away!

    As smart as man is, we haven't been able to invent a machine that can smell drugs or tell us where a person has walked,” Dogs are sophisticated investigative tools!

  2. #2
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Again, this is why cats are targets.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  3. #3
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    Very nice, shows who is happier with us humans and who needs to become target practice once again!!!
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

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    -Ronald Reagan


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  5. #5
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    It's only a matter of time.

    Then...



    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

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  6. #6
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    The cat's part sounded like Stewie from Family Guy.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
    mavriktu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    The cat's part sounded like Stewie from Family Guy.
    No,it sounds like my step daughter baby cat

 

 

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