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  1. #1
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Because I am a Man!!

    Because I AM a Man

    Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
    coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option.
    I will win.
    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______

    Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
    hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
    man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
    these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
    know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind,

    as a form of holy communion.
    ______________________________ ______________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and

    take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get
    as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ ______

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
    store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
    "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ ______

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
    on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
    much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a
    calculator instead (applies to engineers only)

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _____

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
    true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
    up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are
    feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the
    name and recommend it to others.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ ______

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
    were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your ass look too
    big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair
    is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share
    equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
    wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.






    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  2. #2
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    Preach it brother preach it.

    AMEN!
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  3. #3
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDawg3533 View Post
    Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
    coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option.
    I will win.
    hmm...Bcups, doesn't sound like anyone we know does it?
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  4. #4
    foxxymomma50's Avatar
    foxxymomma50 is offline Master Officer
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    Because I am a woman

    Because I am a woman I am different from a man. We may look like the same species, but there are different "rules" for each of us.

    Because I am a woman, I need to spend 20 minutes outlining my lips before I put on lipstick. Even though you say I have a big mouth, my lips are too thin. My hair is too flat/curly/dark/light/wavy. Whatever my hair looks like, I want it to be the opposite. My eyes are too small, and my skin is too blotchy. Thus, all of the time I spend in the bathroom getting ready to go out is an essential part of my routine. I need all this makeup so that other women will think I am naturally pretty.

    Because I am a woman, I will get up at 6:30 in the morning to go shopping if the store is having a sale. It doesn't matter that I don't need any new clothes, they are on SALE. Besides, I have three kinds of clothes in my closet. There are "fat" clothes for my PMS days, "dressy" clothes for the dancing I keep asking you to take me, and "thin" clothes that I will never get into again without liposuction. I will, however, keep all the "thin" clothes, because tomorrow I am going on a diet. Therefore I need exercise clothes too. It takes a lot of shopping to fill up so much closet space.

    Because I am a woman, I need many shoes. I need work shoes, dress shoes, three kinds of athletic shoes, sandals, slippers, open-toed shoes. I need high-heeled shoes, mid-heeled shoes, low-heeled shoes, flats, and boots. I need shoes in every color of the rainbow to match my extensive wardrobe (see above).

    Because I am a woman I will get annoyed if you come to me and announce that there is no food in the house. In all likelihood there is plenty of food. I am not falling for the trick and making you a sandwich. However, I will stand in front of my full closet and complain that I have nothing to wear. This is not the same thing.

    Because I am a woman, I will spend hours on the phone with my friends. Even if I just saw my best friend today, I need to call and tell her who is on Oprah. Especially if it is Tom Cruise.

    Because I am a woman I will talk about you to my friends. We will discuss your underwear, your bathroom habits, and your childhood. However, if you even mention my middle name to your friends I will be angry.

    Because I am a woman, I need to talk about "the relationship". I think about "the relationship" far more than you do. I will pick the worst possible time ( 2 minutes left in Game 7 of the NBA playoffs) and tell you, "Honey, we need to talk". If you ask to wait until the game is over, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch.

    Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman.

    Because I am a woman, I have strange eating habits. I will order only salad on our first date, and lobster after we are married. I will buy candy bars and wash them down with diet soda. I will put artificial sweetener in my double mocha latte. And any food eaten while cooking does not count as food.

    Because I am a woman, I expect to have "girls night out" once in awhile. If you want to go bowling with the boys, I will pout and ask why you don't want to be with me. I will then assume that there is a problem with "the relationship" and will want to talk about it before you leave.



    "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

    "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."


    "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

  5. #5
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    Quote Originally Posted by 213th View Post
    hmm...Bcups, doesn't sound like anyone we know does it?
    Hahaha! As I was reading it, I thought the same thing. Now, who would do something like that?




  6. #6
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    Quote Originally Posted by foxxymomma50 View Post
    Because I am a woman

    Because I am a woman I am different from a man. We may look like the same species, but there are different "rules" for each of us.

    Because I am a woman, I need to spend 20 minutes outlining my lips before I put on lipstick. Even though you say I have a big mouth, my lips are too thin. My hair is too flat/curly/dark/light/wavy. Whatever my hair looks like, I want it to be the opposite. My eyes are too small, and my skin is too blotchy. Thus, all of the time I spend in the bathroom getting ready to go out is an essential part of my routine. I need all this makeup so that other women will think I am naturally pretty.

    Because I am a woman, I will get up at 6:30 in the morning to go shopping if the store is having a sale. It doesn't matter that I don't need any new clothes, they are on SALE. Besides, I have three kinds of clothes in my closet. There are "fat" clothes for my PMS days, "dressy" clothes for the dancing I keep asking you to take me, and "thin" clothes that I will never get into again without liposuction. I will, however, keep all the "thin" clothes, because tomorrow I am going on a diet. Therefore I need exercise clothes too. It takes a lot of shopping to fill up so much closet space.

    Because I am a woman, I need many shoes. I need work shoes, dress shoes, three kinds of athletic shoes, sandals, slippers, open-toed shoes. I need high-heeled shoes, mid-heeled shoes, low-heeled shoes, flats, and boots. I need shoes in every color of the rainbow to match my extensive wardrobe (see above).

    Because I am a woman I will get annoyed if you come to me and announce that there is no food in the house. In all likelihood there is plenty of food. I am not falling for the trick and making you a sandwich. However, I will stand in front of my full closet and complain that I have nothing to wear. This is not the same thing.

    Because I am a woman, I will spend hours on the phone with my friends. Even if I just saw my best friend today, I need to call and tell her who is on Oprah. Especially if it is Tom Cruise.

    Because I am a woman I will talk about you to my friends. We will discuss your underwear, your bathroom habits, and your childhood. However, if you even mention my middle name to your friends I will be angry.

    Because I am a woman, I need to talk about "the relationship". I think about "the relationship" far more than you do. I will pick the worst possible time ( 2 minutes left in Game 7 of the NBA playoffs) and tell you, "Honey, we need to talk". If you ask to wait until the game is over, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch.

    Because I am a woman, I will have mood swings. PMS is a medical condition. So, when I scream at you and call you an SOB, and then cry and want to cuddle within an hour, I am not crazy. I am a woman.

    Because I am a woman, I have strange eating habits. I will order only salad on our first date, and lobster after we are married. I will buy candy bars and wash them down with diet soda. I will put artificial sweetener in my double mocha latte. And any food eaten while cooking does not count as food.

    Because I am a woman, I expect to have "girls night out" once in awhile. If you want to go bowling with the boys, I will pout and ask why you don't want to be with me. I will then assume that there is a problem with "the relationship" and will want to talk about it before you leave.



    That must have been written by a man.
    Last edited by Buttercup; 05-07-07 at 12:40 PM.




 

 

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