Not Politically Correct

**Terminator** · 01-23-06, 05:30 AM

Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's latest CD?
A: No? Well, neither has he!.

Stevie Wonder is walking down the aisle of the supermarket, and he's swinging his cane about, knocking boxes off the shelves on the right, knocking boxes off the shelves on the left, knocking more boxes off the shelves on the right...
...and the store manager comes running up to see what's going on, carefully steps over all the boxes strewn everywhere, sees it's Stevie Wonder - so he says "Can I help you?".
"No," says Stevie "I'm just looking".

**213th** · 01-23-06, 09:56 AM

Why did the woman cross the road?
Thats not the point, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?

How is a washing machine different from a blonde?
It doesn't follow you around for a week after you dump a load in it.

**Wise_undergrad_08** · 01-23-06, 10:06 AM

Q. What is the difference between a blond and a 747?

A. Some men have never been inside a 747.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a gernade at you?

A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

A. They both circle Uranus (Your anus) searching for Klingons. (Cling-ons)

**Wise_undergrad_08** · 01-23-06, 10:08 AM

Originally Posted by 213th

Why did the woman cross the road?
Thats not the point, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?

Whatever

You're the one who cooks in our relationship, biotch.

This place is looking horrible by the way. Make yourself useful and get down here so you can do some dusting. I'll go make us some money.

**gomets11** · 01-25-06, 11:30 AM

A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's got a car. When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'". Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".

There are 3 guys. A jew, mexican, and a black man. These 3 guys were in the middle of nowhere and were stranded with no way of transportation to get to town. Well, they thought of this idea to have one of them lay down in the middle of the road and figured a car would stop and they would have a ride. So, the jew went and laid in the road. A car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Ah man, it didn't work, but its gotta. You try it. The mexican went out on the road and a car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Dangn't, this is such a good idea, they gotta stop for a black man. So the black man went out on the road and car came. Thump thump, errrrrt, reerrrrrr thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

It is hard being black. We get the bad end of the deal with every sport. Hockey your slappin a black puck around. Pool you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole. The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down a bunch of rednecks.

This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"

**Welpe** · 01-25-06, 02:30 PM

Those last two....buhahahahahahahahah!

**keith720** · 01-25-06, 05:12 PM

Why do deaf people masturbate with only one hand?

So they can moan with the other one.

After Michael Jackson's wife had their first baby, he asked the doctor, "How soon before we can have sex?"
The doctor told him "6 to 8 weeks." "Gee," Said Michael, "I usually wait until they can at least walk on their own."

Cheech · 01-25-06, 05:21 PM

Whats faster than a black guy running with a stolen tv?

His brother with the VCR

Cheech · 01-25-06, 05:23 PM

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Cheech · 01-25-06, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by keith758

Why do deaf people masturbate with only one hand?

So they can moan with the other one.
."

This is fucking great!

MountainCop · 01-25-06, 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by Lasvegasog

This is fucking great!

Well, you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?

Tried to read the waffle iron.

**Welpe** · 01-25-06, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by MountainCop

Well, you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?

Tried to read the waffle iron.

I'd ask what that sounds like but we actually have a hearing impaired person on the forum so I won't be that crass.

MountainCop · 01-25-06, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by Welpe

I'd ask what that sounds like but we actually have a hearing impaired person on the forum so I won't be that crass.

Ouch. My apologies...

**keith720** · 01-26-06, 05:11 PM

How did Hellen Keller go nuts?

She was trying to read a stucco wall.

Why did her dog commit suicide?

You would too if your name was hmphfp.

Cheech · 01-26-06, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by keith758

Why did her dog commit suicide?

You would too if your name was hmphfp.

GEesus. Thats a good one.

This applies to me cause I have a huge schnozz, and im a messycan.

WHy do mexicans have big noses?

So they have something to pick in the off season.

**keith720** · 01-26-06, 05:30 PM

Why do Mexicans have little stearing wheels on their cars?

It's easier to steer wearing handcuffs.

What did the Mexican get his kid for his birthday?

My kids bike!

By the way, I'm Danish!

Cheech · 01-26-06, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by keith758

Why do Mexicans have little stearing wheels on their cars?

It's easier to steer wearing handcuffs.

What did the Mexican get his kid for his birthday?

My kids bike!

By the way, I'm Danish!

Asshole.. Haha.

A black and a mexican are in a car whos driving?

The police

I can say that one too cause im half black from the waist down

**Pudge** · 01-26-06, 07:35 PM

Not a joke, just a life lesson for some of you guys who will have children someday.

Granted, we have a two year old already, but I must have had a stupid moment when it comes to things you DON'T say to your pregnant wife.

True story:

The other day my wife was complaining that her hips hurt, and I mean complaining all day about it. Now, I'm understanding...we men will never know what a woman's body goes through, but I digress, I'm stupid. So finally when I'm generally tired of hearing her bitch about it and say that it feels like her hips are spreading I respond with "Well hun, it makes sense, cuz you're ass seems to be getting bigger."

I tell ya, I love that couch......

Cheech · 01-26-06, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Mid_Ohio_Po

Not a joke, just a life lesson for some of you guys who will have children someday.

Granted, we have a two year old already, but I must have had a stupid moment when it comes to things you DON'T say to your pregnant wife.

True story:

The other day my wife was complaining that her hips hurt, and I mean complaining all day about it. Now, I'm understanding...we men will never know what a woman's body goes through, but I digress, I'm stupid. So finally when I'm generally tired of hearing her bitch about it and say that it feels like her hips are spreading I respond with "Well hun, it makes sense, cuz you're ass seems to be getting bigger."

I tell ya, I love that couch......

Yes, thats pretty bad. lol. Im taking notes.

**Pudge** · 01-26-06, 07:44 PM

Originally Posted by Lasvegasog

Yes, thats pretty bad. lol. Im taking notes.

And from the first pregnancy I learned that one shouldn't be eating something that she can't have while in the hospital room with her starting labor. I was munchin on a fine ass sammich from the burger joint down the street when her water broke...she tells me her water broke, my appetite obviously went by the wayside, and dumbass me responds...ohhhh damnit, I didn't finish my lunch.

But I did get to have fun when I pulled out my digital tape recorder during labor and taped her screaming she was never having anymore kids. I USED to pull that one out and replay it when she started on me about wanting more....that obviously didn't work...LOL

To all the armpit hair fem-nazis bitching about me now, deal with it...the wife loves me and my jackass sense of humor!