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  1. #41
    Cheech Guest
    Thats good. See if I said anything bad to my girl, she would keep me in the bed. She bites. If I piss her off. She bites. I know it sounds weird. But it keeps me to keep my mouth closed.

  2. #42
    keith720's Avatar
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    How come Mexicans never have cook-outs?

    The beans always fall through the grill and land on the charcoal.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  3. #43
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Lasvegasog
    Thats good. See if I said anything bad to my girl, she would keep me in the bed. She bites. If I piss her off. She bites. I know it sounds weird. But it keeps me to keep my mouth closed.
    Damn - sounds like you're married...

  4. #44
    Cheech Guest
    Haha, thats scary. But no

  5. #45
    BrokenOne's Avatar
    BrokenOne is offline The one and only
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainCop
    Damn - sounds like you're married...
    No he is just whooped.

  6. #46
    chris2001's Avatar
    chris2001 is offline Captain
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    I think you mean Whipped .
    Being the best is not what always counts. What counts is always trying your best.

    Remember who you are, and where you came from. That way you never get a big head.


    May those that lost their lives in 9-11 RIP, for the things you did not many could do. You left so many behind so that you could save so few. For now we stand strong as one, and will not look back till the fight is done. (me)

    http://www.danasoft.com/sig/Nowwhat%...5Csuphomey.jpg

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS only.

  7. #47
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by chris2001
    I think you mean Whipped .
    That would be it...

    'Whap - Whap- THWACK!'


  8. #48
    keith720's Avatar
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    How many men does it take to change a light bulb in the kitchen?

    None. If she wants light, she can open the refrigerator.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  9. #49
    Cheech Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by NVHPD
    No he is just whooped.
    Pretty much. You heard me out the other day about it! Im doomed from here!

  10. #50
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Hey!- Lets go ride our bikes.....How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Hey!- Lets go ride our bikes.....


    What is the difference between a dog on the back porch barking and a woman on the front porch bitching? You can let the dog in and it will shut up.

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

    What does Micheal Jackson have in common with boys pants?
    They both come with pictures of little boys.

    What does Neverland Ranch and a boys pants sale at Kmart have in common?
    Boys pants are half-off
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  11. #51
    FishTail Guest
    What's the difference between divorce and circumcision?

    With divorce you get rid of the entire prick...

  12. #52
    213th's Avatar
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    What is the definition of "making love"?
    Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her

    What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
    Gonorrhea

    How can you tell a macho woman?
    She rolls her own tampons

    What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
    The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister

    What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
    Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years
    old

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry it

    What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
    A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

    Why do women call it PMS?
    Mad Cow Disease was already taken

    What's a mixed feeling?
    When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car

    How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
    The cake jumps out of the girl

    What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
    Oral sex makes your day anal sex makes your hole weak

    Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
    same day in Iraq?
    They don't want to wear out the camel

    What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    A guy will actually search for a golf ball

    How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
    bedtime?
    When the big hand touches the little hand.

    How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
    Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time

    Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
    They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  13. #53
    Garda's Avatar
    Garda is offline Policing with nothing but a smile
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    A, Special to Garda is para to olympics!

    B, its not rape its surprise sex!
    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    Hey thanks Garda - I did think of you last night as I was lying in bed

  14. #54
    Cheech Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Garda30055A
    A,
    B, its not rape its surprise sex!
    THats wrong.LOL. Try saying that in court!! I was just havin surprise sex!

  15. #55
    Garda's Avatar
    Garda is offline Policing with nothing but a smile
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    As long as you shout "Surprise" Its fine!

    Ok then this one you can substitute the Welsh for many other nations.

    C, The Welsh found a new use for sheep, they eat them now.
    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    Hey thanks Garda - I did think of you last night as I was lying in bed

  16. #56
    keith720's Avatar
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    Whenever I see anyone is Irish, I'm reminded of the joke about the Irish soldier that was shot in the shoulder during WWII. He was caught trying to sneak out of the hospital and when he was caught, he said, "You've got to let me get at them Krauts! I think I know which one of the Bastards shot me!"
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  17. #57
    keith720's Avatar
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    One more quick one: What's the difference between a Blond and a washing machine?

    After you drop your load in a washing machine it doesn't call you every night for the next 2 weeks asking for a committment.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  18. #58
    Cheech Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by keith758
    One more quick one: What's the difference between a Blond and a washing machine?

    After you drop your load in a washing machine it doesn't call you every night for the next 2 weeks asking for a committment.
    VEry true. HAHAHA

  19. #59
    keith720's Avatar
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    What's the deal that I have "Warn, 0%" under my status. If someone is offended by what I've written, let me know.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  20. #60
    keith720's Avatar
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    How do you know if a man from Tennessee is married?

    There's tobacco stains on both sides of his truck.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 
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