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Thread: BBQ Rules

  1. #1
    213th's Avatar
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    BBQ Rules

    After months of cold and rainy weather, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

    When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of
    events are put into motion:



    BBQ rules

    Routine...
    (1) The woman buys the food.
    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables,
    makes dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

    Here comes the important part:

    (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

    More routine....
    (5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
    burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

    Important again:

    (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE
    WOMAN.


    More routine....
    (8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils,
    napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
    dishes.

    And most important of all:
    10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
    (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  2. #2
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    I friggin wish.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  3. #3
    rob84's Avatar
    rob84 is offline Did you press the power button?
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    Dude, that would be freakin SWEET!......That's not how it is though, sadly.

    www.twitter.com/RobKimble1984
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  4. #4
    213th's Avatar
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    Yeah no kidding...I have no woman here so I'm forced to do all the steps...well...I eliminate non-essential steps..
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  5. #5
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    BigDawg cautiously looks around to make sure noone is watching what he type









    Thats the way it is at my house!!!! Cause Im the man and I rule my Castle!!!!! (when she says I can)
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
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    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


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  6. #6
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    That is how it works in mine. Because she don't like they way I prepair the meat.

    I'm only allowed to prepair my own meat....
    ....Wait that doesn't sound right?
    Just because your sign off after you're shift is done, doesn't mean that it's over and put blinders on. You're a cop 24/7 wether you like it or not. If thats something you can't handle, you should find a new line of work!

  7. #7
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    I remind my women of my native american heritage...................






























    Im from the Smackahoe Tribe
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

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    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by 213th View Post
    Yeah no kidding...I have no woman here so I'm forced to do all the steps...well...I eliminate non-essential steps..
    Does that mean you eat it straight off the grill, or do you use paper plates?

    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  9. #9
    213th's Avatar
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    Paper plates
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  10. #10
    Lizzy's Avatar
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    A woman can handle the meat just as well and then some.........

  11. #11
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
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    Have you guys ever heard "The Man Song" by Rodney Carrington????

    Ladies and Gentlemen,
    The Man Song!

    (He's the man!)
    (He's the man!)

    I don't take no crap from anybody
    [else but you]
    I wear the pants around here
    [when I finish with your laundry]
    Coz I'm a guy you don't wanna fight
    [When I say "Jump", you say "Yeah right!"]
    I'm the man of this house
    [until you get home]

    (He's the man!)
    (He's the man!)

    What I say goes around here
    [right out the window]
    and I don't wanna hear a lot of whining
    [so I'll shut up]
    The sooner you learn who's Boss around here
    [The sooner you can give me my orders, dear]
    Coz I'm Head-Honcho around here
    [but it's all in my head]

    (He's the man!)
    (He's the man!)

    And I can have sex anytime
    [that you want it]
    Coz I'm a man who has needs
    [but there not that important]
    And don't expect any flowers from me
    [Coz if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry]
    I'm the King of my castle
    [when you're not around]

    (He's the man!)
    (He's the man!)

    And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I wanna
    [get in trouble]
    And I'll come home when I'm good and ready
    [to sleep on the couch]
    Coz a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
    [And I'm gonna do what you tell me to]
    Because I'm Top dog around here
    [but I've been neutered]

    (He's the man!)
    (He's the man!)

    (You the man!)

  12. #12
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
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    Here ya go

  13. #13
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Hahaha. That was awesome, Blackcamaro.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  14. #14
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Excuse me for being dense here But why is this in the humor section isn't that the way it is everywhere? You will now excuse me while I run and Hide from Dapples.

  15. #15
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
    blackcamaro8895 is offline Master Officer
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    Question.....how do you get the picture to show up directly in your reply?

  16. #16
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    sorry but men usually burn everything because they are busy with the ice and beer lol
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  17. #17
    Lizzy's Avatar
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    Right on Gozling.

  18. #18
    213th's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackcamaro8895 View Post
    Question.....how do you get the picture to show up directly in your reply?
    You can host it on photobucket or tinypic and post the IMG code, or you can click on the icon with the mountain on it and enter the URL
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  19. #19
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
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    ok thanks

  20. #20
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