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  1. #1
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    If you're visiting NJ, here are some rules for Driving in New Jersey

    1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not New-ark.

    2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

    3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."

    4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

    5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
    cussed out, and possibly shot.

    6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

    7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

    8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.

    9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

    10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

    11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

    12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


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    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  2. #2
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    It's funny because it's true.




  3. #3
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    It ain't that bad. You just got to know how to drive. Indy style.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  4. #4
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
    blackcamaro8895 is offline Master Officer
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    I drive Indy style real well.

  5. #5
    Virginian's Avatar
    Virginian is offline Major
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    3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."
    I'll print this out as advice from a NJ police officer for when I get pulled on my way up there this weekend

  6. #6
    Beans's Avatar
    Beans is offline Street Cop
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    Being a New Jersey native, I found that to be so true!
    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Beans" on LEF.

  7. #7
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    I found those funny

    the only rule here is that you have to have once owned a donkey to get your DL.
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  8. #8
    sgtbear111's Avatar
    sgtbear111 is offline retired
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    Might add to the NJ list from Latte-Land driving academy:

    A turn signal is an invitation for the jerk on your rear bumper to pass on that side.

    Exit ramps on the right are for left lane users on important business.

    Left exit ramps are for stopping to wait to merge right. Same rule applies to all on-ramps.

    Stop signs and red lights are optional if you are late, drive an expensive car ( BMW, Acura, Lexus, MerBenz, etc), and are busy on the phone, eating, sipping a latte, fixing your face, reading the paper, or otherwise in a "divided attention" mode with competing priorities.
    Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.-- Anonymous

    Old People, like me, may not be around to witness the destruction of our Nation. The rest of you may not survive the collapse. We all have the sworn duty to prevent it.

    The light of hope burns brighter than the fires of doom.

 

 

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