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  1. #1
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    5 levels of a hangover

    Five Levels of Hangovers



    One Star Hangover (*)



    No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.



    Two Star Hangover (**)


    No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion.

    There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.



    Three Star Hangover (***)


    Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.



    Four Star Hangover (****)


    Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the
    eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.



    Five Star Hangover (*****)


    You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...


    THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

    THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;

    Loquacious Transubstantiate



    THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :
    1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
    2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
    3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
    5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
    6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  2. #2
    rob84's Avatar
    rob84 is offline Did you press the power button?
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
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    Ive been down that entire list, as im sure almost everyone else here has been aswell

    www.twitter.com/RobKimble1984
    www.facebook.com/robkimble

  3. #3
    Jackalope's Avatar
    Jackalope is offline Yell O
    Join Date
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    I've never had a Level 1 or 2, I always go for 3-5. But I'd never even attempt to go to work with a hangover that bad.
    "I'm not a coward,
    I've just never been tested
    I'd like to think that if I was,
    I would pass"
    ~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~

  4. #4
    MrDucky's Avatar
    MrDucky is offline Ducky's Backup
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    I'm on Ducky's Six
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    Where does Memory loss fall into the list??

    (thinks back to last weekend and wonders why Ducky had to tell me details)

  5. #5
    Rhino's Avatar
    Rhino is offline Meat-eater & Fire-breather
    Verified LEO
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    Waffle House doesn't serve pancakes. Only us good drunks know that.
    "If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking." -Gen. George S. Patton

 

 

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