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Thread: I love mustard.

  1. #1
    Tony's Avatar
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    I love mustard.

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

    "Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

    I love mustard.

    I had no napkin.

    I licked it off.

    It was not mustard.

    No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.

    With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

    Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, Now you know why they call that fancy mustard ~ "Poupon."

  2. #2
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    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
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    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  3. #3
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    That is sick. Like I no longer want breakfast sick.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  4. #4
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    I'm glad I hate mustard!
    Just because your sign off after you're shift is done, doesn't mean that it's over and put blinders on. You're a cop 24/7 wether you like it or not. If thats something you can't handle, you should find a new line of work!

  5. #5
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    EEEEWWWWW!!

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  7. #7
    nsb22's Avatar
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    That is just funny as hell!


    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
    -- Ambrose Redmoon

    The views and postings of NSB22 are in no way shared or supported by NSB22's employers.

  8. #8
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    dammit, I just made a sandwich before I opened this thread. I keep staring at the mustard...

    wombat you sick puppy. I hungry as hell!


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  9. #9
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Ewe! That made my stomach go BLAH!

 

 

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