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Thread: Little Johnny

  1. #1
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Talking Little Johnny

    The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
    "I'm in love," the boy replied.
    Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
    "With you," he said.
    "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
    "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."


    One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
    He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
    Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
    So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
    "Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
    So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
    The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"


    It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.
    Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done.
    His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."
    The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble.
    Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school.
    His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."
    The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him.
    That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.
    "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

  2. #2
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    One day in class, the teacher decided to ask the kids what their fathers did for work, have them spell it, and describe it. She went around the room, first to little Susie. Susie said " My dad is a doctor, D-O-C-T-O-R. And right now, he is helping someone to feel better". Then to Toby. Toby said " my dad is a paleontologist, P-A-...umm..L..ummm.." The teacher, seeing Toby was having trouble said " you think about it for a moment Toby," and she reluctantly called on Little Johnny. Johnny said "My dad is a bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E, and right now he is laying 5 to 1 that Toby aint gonna spell paleontologist by the end of class"
    500 fights, that's the number I figured when I was a kid. 500 street fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate tough guy. You need them for experience. To develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But then, after, you realize that's what you are.


  3. #3
    Beans's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terminator View Post
    The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
    "I'm in love," the boy replied.
    Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
    "With you," he said.
    "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
    "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."


    One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
    He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
    Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
    So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
    "Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
    So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
    The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"


    It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.
    Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done.
    His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."
    The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble.
    Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school.
    His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son."
    The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him.
    That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.
    "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."
    The middle one cracked me up!
    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Beans" on LEF.

  4. #4
    Norm357's Avatar
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    Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
    learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!
    Miss Rogers. 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
    Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job".
    dlefdal said:
    Ummmm, what if I don't like thumbs in my butt?

  5. #5
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norm357 View Post
    Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
    learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!
    Miss Rogers. 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

    Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
    Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job".
    that one made me really LOL!

  6. #6
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    If Johnny had been in my class I never would have learned anything, except maybe how to hit on my teacher

  7. #7
    Tony's Avatar
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    LOL ~ yes, little Johnny jokes, all the rage here because that's what we call our Prime Minister!!

    This is my favority Little Johnny tale ~

    Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

    She says, "Hello class, Iím Mrs Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

    The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

    A few days later the regular teacher is still sick. When Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Little Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "R" after the first letter."

    "Thatís right," she coaxed.

    Then after a few seconds Johnny says, "Mrs Crunt?"

 

 

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