Welcome to the APBWeb.
Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Motorwaycop's Avatar
    Motorwaycop is offline Retired Plod
    Supporting Member Lvl 2
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    09-28-06
    Location
    Ye Olde England
    Posts
    2,574
    Rep Power
    2459158

    Floods in the UK

    A major flood hit on Monday evening.

    Epicentre: Rotherham, England.

    News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

    The flood decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.

    Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Rotherham. One resident, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

    So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Pound-stretcher.

    Can You Help?

    Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.

    Clothing is needed most of all, especially:
    • Fila or Burberry baseball caps
    • Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
    • Shell suits (female)
    • White sports socks
    • Rockfort boots or any other product sold in Primark


    Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference.

    Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal.


    Please do not give anything that requires peeling.

    Remember:
    • 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
    • £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9
    • £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves

    Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russell’s

    Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will cause residents to believe they have been forcibly relocated to Sheffield.



    translation available soon
    the sole advantage of power is that you can do more good.
    ( Baltasar Gracian )

  2. #2
    Cst.SB's Avatar
    Cst.SB is offline Officer First Class
    Join Date
    05-11-06
    Posts
    526
    Rep Power
    1066998
    Hilarious!!!

  3. #3
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
    Join Date
    02-19-06
    Posts
    1,361
    Rep Power
    513352
    Ha ha!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  4. #4
    Lo523's Avatar
    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
    Supporting Member Lvl 1
    Join Date
    04-16-06
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,353
    Rep Power
    2919843
    Very funny!
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  5. #5
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-18-06
    Location
    Twixt the Moor and the Sea, England
    Posts
    3,003
    Rep Power
    4327282
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

 

 

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Texas Floods Kill At Least 2
    By TXCharlie in forum In the News
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-18-07, 11:31 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •