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07-17-07, 07:16 AM #1
Posted on an Australian Tourism Website . .
Posted on an Australian Tourism Website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, thru a desert. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville, and Hervey Bay? (UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh, forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan Hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear.They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees, and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? ( USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs .
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I wanted to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
07-17-07, 07:17 AM #2
07-17-07, 07:22 AM #3
Reminds me of LEF's "Ask-a-Cop" section. ("Ask an Australian?")
07-17-07, 01:13 PM #4
They were funny!Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.
07-17-07, 04:15 PM #5Corporal
- Join Date
- Rep Power
Only you Tony.
Hippo racing does sound entertaining....
07-17-07, 11:50 PM #6
Whatever the event, I'M COMING NAKED!
Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)
"It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
There are gains for all our losses
There are balms for all our pain
But, when youth, the dream, departs
It takes something from our hearts
And it never comes again
"Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts
The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War
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