Welcome to the APBWeb.
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Tony's Avatar
    Tony is offline Banned
    Join Date
    06-05-07
    Location
    Ostraylea
    Posts
    2,527
    Rep Power
    0

    Posted on an Australian Tourism Website . .

    Posted on an Australian Tourism Website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK )
    A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden )
    A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, thru a desert. Take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? (Sweden )
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville, and Hervey Bay? (UK )
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA )
    A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA )
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK )
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh, forget it.
    Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK )
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan Hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )
    A: It's called a Drop Bear.They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees, and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France )
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? ( USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs .

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France )
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I wanted to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

  2. #2
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
    Join Date
    12-03-05
    Location
    None of your business
    Posts
    16,064
    Rep Power
    0
    Lol.

  3. #3
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Join Date
    06-11-06
    Posts
    24,364
    Rep Power
    4817856
    Reminds me of LEF's "Ask-a-Cop" section. ("Ask an Australian?")

  4. #4
    Lo523's Avatar
    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
    Supporting Member Lvl 1
    Join Date
    04-16-06
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,353
    Rep Power
    2919842
    They were funny!
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  5. #5
    Illiy is offline Corporal
    Join Date
    05-27-07
    Posts
    1,490
    Rep Power
    202215
    Only you Tony.

    Hippo racing does sound entertaining....

  6. #6
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-13-06
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    514
    Rep Power
    150887
    Whatever the event, I'M COMING NAKED!


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

 

 

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Australian drivers hit below belt
    By Tony in forum In the News
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-26-07, 02:28 PM
  2. Website Names
    By dapples in forum General Topics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 05-05-07, 09:44 AM
  3. Movie website
    By jmur5074 in forum The Gymnasium
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-23-07, 07:41 AM
  4. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-23-06, 02:55 AM
  5. Australian Gets Stuck in Washing Machine
    By kdm0409 in forum In the News
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-10-06, 03:07 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •