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Thread: 20 Responses to Telemarketers
07-18-07, 11:13 PM #1
20 Responses to Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
07-18-07, 11:22 PM #2
I love them all! Once, the telemarketer asked for the man of the house. I said, "hold on" and called out, "Dad!", "Dad!"then put the phone down until they hung up. I was the only one home.
07-18-07, 11:24 PM #3
My God// A former boyfiend followed some of these exact rules...He'd begin to tell the Telemarketer of his life, ask what the weather wa like in their region, and generally do anything to keep them off the subject...yielding confusion on their part + desire to HANG UP! YES! A TELEEMARKETER WANTING TO HANG UP! Brillant suggestions on your part, Tony.
07-18-07, 11:36 PM #4
07-19-07, 12:18 AM #5
I like to learn the phrase "I don't speak English" in other languages (not spanish because chances are they have a spanish speaking rep). I love using Norwegian because you can partially dicipher the word "english" (engelsk). Usually they hang up on me right afterwards. A few will say "What? You don't speak english? Okay." and hang up. Lots of funLife is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
07-19-07, 03:32 AM #6
I love messing with telemarketersCalm Like A Bomb...
“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
07-19-07, 04:10 AM #7
I think I'll use some of those.
I love the home improvement calls. Do you want replacement windows? Do you want vinyl siding?
One company was calling me almost daily about those products for about five months. I kept telling them "no" and they kept calling. I finally set up a time for them to send out a salesman. The first time, I wasn't home. He left a card requesting a rescheduling. I called back and rescheduled.
The second he showed up, I had left a note on the door saying I had to leave for a family emergency. I called and rescheduled again. The third time, I stayed home.
When the guy got there, he started explaining about the benefits of vinyl siding. I let him rattle on for a while, then pointed out that the house was already vinyl-sided. So, he started in about replacement windows. I let him talk about double pane insulated windows for a bit, then pointed out the house already had them.
He got a bit testy about that point. He asked why I had him come out. I explained that since they had called me so many times, I figured they didn't have enough jobs to keep them busy and I wanted to give him a chance to practice his sales spiel so he didn't get rusty.
He did get kind of upset. But, I never got another call from that company."When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders
Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.
07-19-07, 07:48 AM #8
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