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Thread: Dear mom.
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08-13-07, 01:55 PM #1
Fighting the battle
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Dear mom.
A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom,:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son Jon
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
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08-13-07, 01:57 PM #2
the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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HAHAHAHAH
that is classichttp://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl
We dallied under
Vine maples and sapling alders
Searched for lady slippers
But instead
Found blackberry riots and
Desiccated branches
An old skid road
Brought ghost ferns and
Hollows filled with
Skunk cabbage
While waves wrapped
Intricate lacings of weeds
'Round mule spinners
His cyanotic eyes
Were hard enough to make
The sun turn tail and
Tender enough to attract me
To his world of illusion
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08-13-07, 06:48 PM #3
Major
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HAHAHAHA love it.
Calm Like A Bomb...
“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
-Winston Churchill
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08-13-07, 07:40 PM #4
Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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I'm still laughing after 5 minutes...
Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)
"It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
-Batman Begins
There are gains for all our losses
There are balms for all our pain
But, when youth, the dream, departs
It takes something from our hearts
And it never comes again
"Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts
The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War
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08-13-07, 07:41 PM #5
Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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Now that is funny!
Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.
Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
EOW 6/16/06
Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.
Originally Posted by conalabu
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08-13-07, 08:16 PM #6
I'm Bi-WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I wish I would have thought of something like that when I was in school. Probably would have taken some of the sting out of the numerous a$$ whoopin's I got for bad grades.
Wise men stand behind me, brave men stand beside me, but only fools stand against me.
The force that propels you to prevail when you are put to a test of survival will be a mindset that refuses to accept nothing but winning.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherf*cker upside the head.
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08-17-07, 09:22 AM #7
What....that thing was loaded!?!?
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You know...I think I would be too busy laughing to even be mad at a kid after that.
My brothers of the sword.
I would rather fight beside you then any army of thousands.
Let no man forget how menacing we are, we are lions.
Do you know whats waiting on the other side of that beach,
Immortality, take it, its your! (Troy)
Give them nothing, take from them EVERYTHING! (300)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things that I can.
And wisdom to....eh..screw it where's my gun.
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08-17-07, 09:33 AM #8
sheep
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He gets an A for ingenuity.
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08-17-07, 09:55 AM #9
Sergeant
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