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Thread: Jokes to Offend everyone
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08-17-07, 02:34 AM #1
Corporal
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Jokes to Offend everyone
Jokes to Offend Everyone...
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.
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08-17-07, 06:10 AM #2
Retired Ninja
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Well they made me laugh. As did
How do you double the culture in America?
Send them a Yoghurt.
(awaits incoming flame attack.
)
To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.
I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!
It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!
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08-17-07, 06:15 AM #3
sheep
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You can douse the flames with the yogurt!
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08-17-07, 07:42 AM #4
*insert witty remark here*
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Haha, those are awesome
Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
ΑΦΣ
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08-17-07, 09:11 AM #5
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don't forget the difference between a texas tornado and a texas divorce!
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08-17-07, 09:14 AM #6
What....that thing was loaded!?!?
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Very well done, Got a laugh out of me as well.
My brothers of the sword.
I would rather fight beside you then any army of thousands.
Let no man forget how menacing we are, we are lions.
Do you know whats waiting on the other side of that beach,
Immortality, take it, its your! (Troy)
Give them nothing, take from them EVERYTHING! (300)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things that I can.
And wisdom to....eh..screw it where's my gun.
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08-17-07, 09:45 AM #7
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08-17-07, 09:53 AM #8
Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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Good ones!
........................
...................
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08-17-07, 01:50 PM #9
Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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Very good.
Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.
Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
EOW 6/16/06
Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.
Originally Posted by conalabu
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08-19-07, 10:55 PM #10
Lieutenant
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ohhhh RecaWhat would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
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08-19-07, 11:00 PM #11
K9 Officer
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Nice
YEAH, IM THE BERRIES, AND CHERRIES IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
Eat it, Play with it, or piss on it, and walk away!
As smart as man is, we haven't been able to invent a machine that can smell drugs or tell us where a person has walked,” Dogs are sophisticated investigative tools!
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08-19-07, 11:02 PM #12
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Those were great.
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08-19-07, 11:45 PM #13
Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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lynnz those were quite funny.
trojan ol'chap don't be hating. if we wanted culture we would have took it too. God save the queen.
ok ryan what is the difference?
"A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
Ben
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
brought my rifle."
(just stole this one hope you don't mind)
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