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Thread: For Autumn and other students
09-10-07, 07:54 PM #1
For Autumn and other students
Things to Do In an Exam when you already know you are going to fail
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to Cops.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."
34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
09-10-07, 08:12 PM #2
I have a social psych test this Thursday and I've yet to find the motivation for school this past week, so I'll be keeping these in mind.Thereís a promise I need you to make
While Iím gone you take care of the love
And Iíll deal with the hate.
Donít worry about me; Iíll be all right
Just care for your children and sleep tight
Iíll keep you safe on my watch tonight
On My Watch Tonight - Mike Corrado
09-10-07, 08:14 PM #3
Just the laugh I needed.
I'm leaving for my written exam in about 15 minutes and its also the first night back to school.
09-10-07, 09:05 PM #4PeterJasonMN Guest
I'm working on an online Product & Operations Management test right now. We've had one lecture, the chapter is 7 pages long, but the test is 47 questions long.
09-10-07, 09:14 PM #5Banned
- Join Date
- Rep Power
Reasons School is Better than the Internet
11. Teachers much less likely to sell your personal information to Russian mobsters than random Internet site.
10. Teenage girls at school more likely to be actual teenage girls than ones on Internet.
9. Teacher much less likely to compare you to Hitler than anonymous message board poster.
8. Getting new clothes for school much more rewarding than getting new clothes for Internet.
7. Getting stuffed in locker better than getting IP blocked.
6. You don't have to have enough gum to share with the whole Internet.
5. GPA more useful for getting a job than Slashdot karma.
4. Recess at school makes you happy, recess on the internet makes you sad.
3. Feel less guilty about not doing homework than not being up to date on forums.
2. Bomb threats to school most likely will end classes for the day. Bomb threats to Internet largely ignored.
1. Teachers not as nitpicky as commenters on Reddit or Digg.
09-10-07, 09:30 PM #61*girl Guest13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
Last edited by 1*girl; 09-10-07 at 09:37 PM. Reason: I can't friggen spell when I first wake up!
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