Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to thecoast and live on fish and lobster in winter.The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to thebeer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together werethe catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning ofagriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting forthem to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at nightwhile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to liveoff the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of theLiberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept ofDemocratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer thatconservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, mostpowerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
bythe jackass.


Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most preferwhite wine or imported! bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi , tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women havehigher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and grouptherapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rulebecause it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still providefor their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, policeofficers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire otherconservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producersand decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberalsremained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
creptin after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to getMORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respondto the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative
will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it willbe forwarded immediately.