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Thread: New Diet

  1. #1
    Twan007's Avatar
    Twan007 is offline The People
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    New Diet

    thought this was kinda funny




    The Almost Perfect Diet

    I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog Lola - and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog...

    DUH!

    I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't
    because I'd ended up in The hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke in an Intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

    Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus Diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it once again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

    Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital?

    I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car Hit me.

    I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door!
    -=Twan007


    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.





    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in alignment with his employer. Matter of fact, the poster will deny any knowledge of any post... this message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...

  2. #2
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    priceless.

    I can imagine you doing that too.. that's what makes it even funnier.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  3. #3
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    "Stupid should hurt."

  4. #4
    SaraJ is offline Banned
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    That's, as CB says, priceless. I gotta remember how it goes for the next time I'm in Walmart and bored.

  5. #5
    armsmaster270's Avatar
    armsmaster270 is offline Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
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    Laughed so hard I almost passed out


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  6. #6
    Buttercup's Avatar
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  7. #7
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    vBulletin Message
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Twan007 again.



  8. #8
    iso607's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dapples View Post
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Twan007 again.



    Got him for ya.

    good one Twan.

  9. #9
    dapples's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iso607 View Post
    Got him for ya.

    good one Twan.
    got you for getting him for me

 

 

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