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  1. #1
    BEK's Avatar
    BEK
    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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    You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

    You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

    IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

    IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

    WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
    five guys and two women stand up.

    IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

    IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

    IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

    WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

    IF Baptism is referred to as "branding".

    IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

    IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

    IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

    IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

    IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

    IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

    IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

    IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".

    IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

    IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"


  2. #2
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    should this thread read: "you know you're in a swamp mafia church..."


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  3. #3
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    I'm confused!! Why was this posted under the jokes and humor section??
    ]

  4. #4
    Vendetta's Avatar
    Vendetta is offline Today, We are All Hokies
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    I would SO go to a church like that
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

 

 

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