The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

  • I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
  • While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
  • I think hairy asses are really sexy.
  • Her tits are just too big.
  • Sometimes I just want to be held.
  • Rosie O'Donnell gives me a woody.
  • Sure, I'd love to wear a condom!
  • Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch American Idol.
  • I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
  • No, I don't mind watching "Thelma and Louise" again.



The Perfect Day According to ... HIM

  • 10:00am: Wake up
  • 10:02am: Oral sex
  • 10:15am: Big breakfast
  • 11:30am: Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big tits
  • 2:15pm: Enormous lunch
  • 3:00pm: Oral sex
  • 3:15pm: Play sports with the guys
  • 4:00pm: Drink beer with guys
  • 6:00pm: Meet Elisha Cuthbert
  • 6:10pm: Oral sex
  • 6:25pm: Huge dinner, more beer
  • 11:00pm: Full on, get down, gorilla sex



The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

  • Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
  • Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
  • I think hairy asses are really sexy.
  • Hey, get a whiff of that one.
  • Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
  • This diamond is way too big!
  • I don't mind throwing all these useless shoes out.
  • I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
  • Wow, it really is 14 inches!
  • Does this make my ass look too small?
  • I'm wrong, you must be right again.



The Perfect Day According to ... HER

  • 8:45am Wake up to hugs and kisses
  • 9:00am 5 pounds lighter on the scale
  • 9:30am Light breakfast
  • 11:00am Sunbathe
  • 12:00pm Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
  • 1:30pm Shopping
  • 2:30pm Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds
  • 3:00pm Facial massage and nap
  • 7:30pm Candle light dinner for two and dancing
  • 10:00pm Make love
  • 11:00pm Pillow talk in his big strong arms