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  1. #1
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly

    If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
    ****************************** ***********************
    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
    all yeer.

    Yer Friend,
    Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
    about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm
    giving
    your
    older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
    Santa
    ****************************** ***********************
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
    is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa
    ****************************** **********************
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy ,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your
    frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
    that
    dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
    Santa
    ****************************** **********************
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
    dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll
    set you up with a Barbie.
    Santa
    ****************************** **********************
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
    carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
    when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
    bottle of Scotch.
    Santa

    ************ ****************************** **********
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
    making toys?

    Your friend,

    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I
    spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa
    ****************************** **********************
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
    skipping your house.
    Santa
    ****************************** **********************
    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
    PLEASE could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
    crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa

    ****************************** **********************
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
    home?
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting
    your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
    you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet dreams,
    Santa

  2. #2
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    "Stupid should hurt."

  3. #3
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    SE Indiana, I love this weather!
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    lol

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  4. #4
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    dumb
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  5. #5
    iso607's Avatar
    iso607 is offline Sergeant
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  6. #6
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    Sounds like Santa Bear...

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  7. #7
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    Sounds like Santa Bear...


    I'd love to see a Santa Bear rant.

  8. #8
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  9. #9
    PapaBear's Avatar
    PapaBear is offline SgtCHP-Retired
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    Cute! Poor old Santa is so troubled with all those letters.

    Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
    [George Washington (1732 - 1799)]


  10. #10
    Bosco3379's Avatar
    Bosco3379 is offline I'm the one in the middle
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    HAHA That's awesome!
    Former member of the LNC

    Will take verbal abuse for spare change

    Some Of My Wicked Awesome Signature Banners

  11. #11
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    Ha!
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  12. #12
    Ender's Avatar
    Ender is offline Three Sheets...
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  13. #13
    Pudge's Avatar
    Pudge is online now Site Admin
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    Ha!
    "Like" us on facebook! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Offic...93147194083228

    Follow members of O/R as they tweet a "Ride a long" on their shifts on the front page of the site and on twitter at the following links:

    www.twitter.com/PoliceRideAlong
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    The opinions given in my posts & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Pudge" on Officerresource.com

  14. #14
    MiK's Avatar
    MiK
    MiK is offline Officer First Class
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    Thats one honest Santa
    Never Argue With Idoits. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, And Beat You With Experience.

  15. #15
    UH_OH_5_OH's Avatar
    UH_OH_5_OH is offline I get PAID to do this?
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    Trapped in ILLINOIS...and hoping for parole !
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    Sick and Twisted !!! I love it !
    Never Search Alone !
    In memory of Captain Robbie Bishop
    www.ncea314.com


    *Can someone explain to me why the heck I should have to Press 1 for ENGLISH ???

  16. #16
    Shoestring's Avatar
    Shoestring is offline Please dont check the trunk...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Illiy View Post
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy ,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your
    frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
    that
    dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
    Santa

  17. #17
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man is offline Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians
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    ...........................................

  18. #18
    armsmaster270's Avatar
    armsmaster270 is offline Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
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    Not only jolly but he's got the balls of a bull reindeer


    Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy

    http://www.armsmaster.net-a.googlepages.com

 

 

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