DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.




OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.




GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken
is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.




COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...




ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.




JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.




NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.




PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.




MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had
a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.




DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.




ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.




JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like
'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as
plain and as simple as that.




GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.




BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how
it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its life long dream of crossing the road.




JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.





ARISTOTLE :
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.




BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This
new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C%
........ reboot.




ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken?




BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition
of chicken?




AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!




COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?




DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?




AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.