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Thread: long but funny

  1. #1
    JAYBIRD33081's Avatar
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    long but funny

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
    out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
    someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
    call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.A man
    answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please
    speak with Robin Carter?"
    Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
    could be so rude.I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I
    had transposed the last two digits of her phone number
    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
    hung up.
    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in
    my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
    really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always
    cheered me up.
    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
    calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is
    John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
    familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the
    phone.
    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
    patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for
    that spot. The idiot ignored me.
    I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
    number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole,
    too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    "Yes, it is."
    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
    parked right out in front."
    "What's your name?" I asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    "I'm home every evening after five."
    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    "Yes?"
    "Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
    dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
    Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
    "Hello."
    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
    "Are you still there?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
    Beamer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
    your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
    Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello, asshole," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
    now."
    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
    1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
    lover.
    Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th
    Street.
    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two
    assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a
    police helicopter and a news crew.
    NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works!

  2. #2
    Hannah87's Avatar
    Hannah87 is offline Giggidy... Giggidy..
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    LOL! WOW
    May you rest in peace Daddy and may you never hurt again. I love you and miss you and can't wait to see you again.

    12/12/44- 2/26/09

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  4. #4
    cajunguy's Avatar
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    A kinda old one, but always funny.

    .
    The Swamp Mafia -
    "Heaven doesn't want us,
    and Hell's afraid we'll take over!!"
    .

  5. #5
    JAYBIRD33081's Avatar
    JAYBIRD33081 is offline CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
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    Quote Originally Posted by cajunguy View Post
    A kinda old one, but always funny.

    .
    yea its an old one but i gotta re-read it every now and then and get a good laugh lol

  6. #6
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    New to me, and damn good. LOL
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