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  1. #1
    Ender's Avatar
    Ender is offline Three Sheets...
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    Male VS Female at the ATM



    > >> MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
    > >>
    > >> A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through > >> ATM
    > >> machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving
    > >> their vehicles.
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> Customers using this new facility are requested to use the
    > >> procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have
    > >> been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your
    > >> gender.'
    > >>
    > >> ****************************** *
    > MALE PROCEDURE:
    > >> 1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    > >> 2. Put down your car window.
    > >> 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    > >> 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    > >> 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    > >> 6. Put window up.
    > >> 7. Drive off.
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> ****************************** *
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    > >> What is really funny is that most of this part is the
    > >> Truth.!!!!
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> 1. Drive up to cash machine.
    > >> 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    > >> 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    > >> 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to
    > >> locate card.
    > >> 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    > >> 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    > >> 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
    > >> excessive distance from the car.
    > >> 8. Insert card.
    > >> 9. Re-insert card the right way.
    > >> 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on
    > >> the inside back page.
    > >> 11. Enter PIN.
    > >> 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    > >> 13. Enter amount of cash required.
    > >> 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    > >> 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    > >> 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash
    > >> inside.
    > >>
    > >> 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in
    > >> back of checkbook.
    > >> 18. Re-check makeup.
    > >> 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    > >> 20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    > >> 21. Retrieve card.
    > >> 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into
    > >> the slot provided!
    > >> 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    > >> 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    > >> 25. Redial person on cell phone.
    > >> 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    > >> 27. Release Parking Brake.
    --

    Ender

    "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon..."

  2. #2
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Damn, never knew I was a guy.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  3. #3
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    Damn, never knew I was a guy.
    HAHAHA! Me either.
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  4. #4
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    Some women just have it more together than others. Count yourselves among them, ladies.

    I bet there are some men out there that flunk the mens stereotype too.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  5. #5
    Ender's Avatar
    Ender is offline Three Sheets...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    Damn, never knew I was a guy.
    ??? People are ALWAYS saying you have bigger balls than Terminator, I just assumed?

    --

    Ender

    "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon..."

  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ender View Post
    ??? People are ALWAYS saying you have bigger balls than Terminator, I just assumed?

    Stainless steel bowling balls, I believe was the phrase used.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
    Ender's Avatar
    Ender is offline Three Sheets...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    Stainless steel bowling balls, I believe was the phrase used.
    GIDDY UP!
    --

    Ender

    "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon..."

  8. #8
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ender View Post
    ??? People are ALWAYS saying you have bigger balls than Terminator, I just assumed?

    Female ducks don't have balls.

  9. #9
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    lol that's awesome. I love the last two for the females:

    -drive 2 to 3 miles
    -release parking brake

    priceless!
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

 

 

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