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Thread: Misc Jokes
02-12-08, 08:03 PM #1
Hillary Clinton, the lead PresidentialÂ Democratic Party candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent rural elementary schoolÂ meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence.'
A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet! 'Well,stop clappin, ya stupid bitch!
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of br eath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" <She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves.
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard." He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."
[FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']2,000 years ago, Moses said, 'Pick up your shovel, pack your ass, mount
your camel and I shall lead you to the Promised Land.'
200-plus years ago, George Washington said, 'Get off your ass, use your
shovel, clear the land, grow plants for camels and it will be the
Last year, the Congress of the United States said 'Si, Amigos, throw
away your shovel, sit on your ass, light your Camels, we're giving you
the Promised Land.'[/FONT]
Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy
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