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  1. #1
    racing04's Avatar
    racing04 is offline Master Officer
    Join Date
    12-18-07
    Location
    Nebraska
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    jokes for everyone

    JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE...


    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?

    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

    10 years and 45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

    45 minutes

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?

    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

    'Are you sure it's mine?'

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?

    They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

    A speech impediment

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.


    How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

    A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...' -A southern fairytale begins
    'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....

    Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?

    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
    Life is not measured by the breaths we take,its measured by the moments that take our breath away

  2. #2
    perdure's Avatar
    perdure is offline ON THE ROAD TO HAPPINE..... (Under Construction)
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    05-26-06
    Location
    Tulsa, Oklahoma
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    A few more Questions and Answers

    Hope these haven't been posted before.


    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    Q. Whatís a mixed feeling?
    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Q. Whatís the height of conceit?
    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    Q. Whatís the definition of macho?
    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

    Q. Whatís the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
    A. They spray paint Xís on the back of the sheep that kick!

    Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
    A. Because itís worth it!

    Q. What is a Yankee?
    A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
    A. They both like a tight seal.

    Q. W hat do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
    A. Their balls are just for decoration.

    Q. What is the difference between Ď oooooohĎand Ď aaaaaaahĎ?
    A. About three inches.

    Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
    A. For traction in the mud.

    Q: Whatís the difference between purple and pink?
    A. The grip.

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
    A. Itís not hard.

    Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
    A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

    Q: Whatís the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    A: 45 pounds.

    Q: Whatís the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    A: Breasts donít have eyes.

    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
    A. The swallow.

    Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
    A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

    Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
    A. They donít have balls to scratch!
    If you ain't living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.


 

 

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