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Thread: Ways to write a report
03-05-08, 06:57 AM #1Temporarily Civilianized
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Ways to write a report
Probably a repost, but i laugh each time i read it.
Nine ways NOT to start your police report:
1) It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...
2) The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent ...
3) The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ...
4) Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff ...
5) It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ...
6) Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.
7) Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
8) The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ...
9) A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ...There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.” -- Ernest Hemingway
03-05-08, 08:25 AM #2
"7) Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly... "
I swear I had recruits who spelled that well....LOLNever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr
03-05-08, 09:53 AM #3
Report turned in by a senior Patrol Officer at a previous department:
At or about 1338 hours on 07-22-91, reporting officer XXXXX was dispatched to 11930 Smithdale Road, the Edgewood Mall Shopping Center, to meet complainant XXXXXX, who stated that his vehicle had been damaged in the parking lot by person(s) unknown while he shopped at the mall on same date.
But the motherfucker was lying, so I left. End report.
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Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To war and arms I fly. - Lovelace
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03-05-08, 01:45 PM #4The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of WarSupporting Member Lvl 2
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03-05-08, 02:15 PM #5
i wrote a disturbance call that started "twas the night before christmas" perfect timing...
sgt approved it for me and it was never pulled.http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl
We dallied under
Vine maples and sapling alders
Searched for lady slippers
Found blackberry riots and
An old skid road
Brought ghost ferns and
Hollows filled with
While waves wrapped
Intricate lacings of weeds
'Round mule spinners
His cyanotic eyes
Were hard enough to make
The sun turn tail and
Tender enough to attract me
To his world of illusion
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