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  1. #1
    Cross240 is offline Temporarily Civilianized
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    Ways to write a report

    Probably a repost, but i laugh each time i read it.

    Nine ways NOT to start your police report:

    1) It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...

    2) The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent ...

    3) The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ...

    4) Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff ...

    5) It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ...

    6) Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.

    7) Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...

    8) The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ...

    9) A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ...
    There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. -- Ernest Hemingway

  2. #2
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    "7) Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly... "

    I swear I had recruits who spelled that well....LOL
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  3. #3
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    Report turned in by a senior Patrol Officer at a previous department:

    At or about 1338 hours on 07-22-91, reporting officer XXXXX was dispatched to 11930 Smithdale Road, the Edgewood Mall Shopping Center, to meet complainant XXXXXX, who stated that his vehicle had been damaged in the parking lot by person(s) unknown while he shopped at the mall on same date.

    But the motherfucker was lying, so I left. End report.
    To the credit of that officer, he was an excellent report writer, but was having some difficulty accepting a mandatory reporting directive handed down by the administration a few days earlier. What was most amusing, was that this report was approved by the supervisor and made it all the way to criminal records before it was pulled.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  4. #4
    Jks9199 is online now The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    Report turned in by a senior Patrol Officer at a previous department:



    To the credit of that officer, he was an excellent report writer, but was having some difficulty accepting a mandatory reporting directive handed down by the administration a few days earlier. What was most amusing, was that this report was approved by the supervisor and made it all the way to criminal records before it was pulled.
    I once responded to a check-the-welfare type call; situation made it a bad feeling as soon as we got there, and there wasn't anymore welfare to check.

    I wrote up a report that read "Found dead guy. ICK! Leave it to the detectives!"
    Voting against incumbents until we get a Congress that does its job.

    TASER: almost as good as alcohol for teaching white boys to dance

    "Don't suffer from PTSD -- Go out and cause it!"
    -- Col. David Grossman, US Army, ret.

    All opinions expressed are my own and are not official statements of my employer.

  5. #5
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    i wrote a disturbance call that started "twas the night before christmas" perfect timing...
    sgt approved it for me and it was never pulled.
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

 

 

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