The 5 levels of hangovers.

[Ender]

5 Levels of Hangovers



One Star Hangover (*)


No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively


well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still


feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.








Two Star Hangover (**)


No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you


have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is


only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity


pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite


havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.








Three Star Hangover (***)


Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.

Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the


flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life


would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy


reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet


Coke--yet you haven't peed once.








Four Star Hangover (****)


Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else


you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and


has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but


that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the


ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper


cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass


is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****s you take during


the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.








Five Star Hangover (*****)


You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the


employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every


pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the


corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants


of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so


your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell


the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to


take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with


a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be


to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good


about right now...

[213th]

This doesn't apply to me. I did not work today, and will not work tomorrow so I won't be dealing with any coworkers

[Ducky]

I'm only able to laugh because I haven't had a Five Star in years.

[mack]

I second what Ducky said

[nsb22]

I may have had a 5 star twice this year.

[kjlaw]

I have not had a 5 star in years thankfully

[Ender]

I may have had a 5 star twice this year.

Last time I had a 5 star (or as close to it as I've had in a LONG time), I had to teach class for about 30 minutes before setting them loose on independant work.

One of the "students," (I hesitate to call people in my age group or above 'students,' for some reason) was sitting in the front row and says, "have a rough night, Ender?"



That was the last time I was in Akron, OH...had to send it off the right way

[4everlate]

I've had a 5 star this year. I know the exact date 01/19/08. Or would that be 01/20/08? Okay it started on Saturday night and I was sick until Monday night.

I was under the crazy impression that I could drink martini's all night when I have not had a drink in years.

[nsb22]

I've had a 5 star this year. I know the exact date 01/19/08. Or would that be 01/20/08? Okay it started on Saturday night and I was sick until Monday night.

I was under the crazy impression that I could drink martini's all night when I have not had a drink in years.

I won't say the exact dates as that would be incrimnating myself, but the two times it happened this years, the "sickness" lasted for damn near a week each time.

Yet another reason I decided to quit drinking once and for all!